


monsters

by annoye_d



Category: Naruto
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Character Development, Dark Humor, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Relationships, Everyone gets a POV, F/F, F/M, Fat Shaming, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lesbian Haruno Sakura, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Underage Drug Use, corrupt ninja politics cause fuck capitalism, fuck boy kakashi, im writing this for me because i hate kishimoto so i dont care if you dont read it or dont like it, kakashi tired of team 7's shit, lesbian tenten, road to ninja hinata, sakura but with a sad backstory, team 10 are potheads instead of cigarettes smokers, the main girls aren't driven by their "love" for the main men cause woman empowerment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-01-12 19:52:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18453473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annoye_d/pseuds/annoye_d
Summary: "Just like the blood that dripped from between their fingers and into the cracks of the concrete below them, Sakura felt a touch of hope drip into the cracks of her heart. Hope that maybe she was wrong and that having friends wasn't only for the luxurious."Different shinobi's with different stories sharing only one thing in common: Pain.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just literally rewriting the entire Naruto series, but more "woman empowerment" and gay. Also i might change up the plot and characterizations a bit, but yeah. Also disclaimer this will go back and forth between "please take me seriously" to literal shit posting. Enjoy.

_From Naruto’s birth to the present time, his destiny was always to be a hero. His cries that echoed throughout the village and merged with the nine tailed beasts’ roars made every shinobi’s stomach churn in fear. Except for one, that is. The man dug his heels into the wet ground beneath him and his eyes never leaving the beasts. The kyuubi’s breath fogged into the cold air and for a second, silence was present between the two. The brave shinobi wiped the bundles of sweat on his forehead as the grip around his kunai grew tighter. Everyone watched in awe as the two fought until the hokages last dying breath._

 

**Naruto**

The room was covered in a golden sheen from the opened windows, sending a familiar warmth down Naruto’s entire body. However, the warmth wasn’t enough to calm his nerves. No matter how much the boy fiddled and fidgeted he could not shake his nervousness away.

Naruto almost pitied Iruka watching him fumble his words as the kids continued to chatter louder. The boy ruffled his hair in frustration. He felt so out of place in such a social event. Unintentionally, he began to eavesdrop the conversations around him. His eyes traced the room until they landed onto a boy who also looked alone. However, this punk-styled boy seemed to be fine with being isolated. His skin was sickly pale and eyes were as dark as a bottomless pit. Not as dark as the rings below them though.  

Naruto felt a wave of calming realizing he wasn't the only one that stayed up last night as thoughts about the next day pandered on him. He seemed to be lost in his mind and completely ignoring the crazed girls that goggled over his enticing aura.The Uzumaki pouted his lips, envying the attention he was receiving.

He must have been staring for a long time, because the boy’s lost gaze suddenly fell onto him. Naruto's cheeks scorched in embarrassment. They stared at each other for a complete second as his heart raced violently in his chest. The classroom fell to a pause.

“Tch.” He went, his face dropping into a look of disgust. Naruto was left with a feeling of anger boiling in the pit of his stomach.

 _What an asshole._ He thought to himself. 

“Alright class settl—Kiba damn it! Get off the tabl—I said settle down!” The entire class paused and every shinobi’s eyes grew wide by Iruka’s sudden outburst. Silence finally fell onto the classroom and Iruka cleared his throat, pulling on his coat as if he too was surprised. The anger on Iruka's face ran dry and a cheeky smile shone on his face.

“I know a lot of you are excited,” He teased. Everyone’s eyes glistened in excitement. Even the gothic asshole that Naruto encountered looked a bit intrigued, clenching his fist in determination. “I’m sure all of you know how this will go—” A groan escaped Shikamaru’s mouth, but it was quickly overpowered with the sounds of the little shinobi’s chattering to one another in hope of being in the groups of those they desired. “One by one different team leaders will select you to lead and mentor—” The small whispers suddenly evolved into loud roars. Iruka, unable to contain the classroom sighed deeply. Naruto closed his ears, expecting to hear Iruka Sensei yell again, but instead was left shocked to see him smiling. “I am so proud of all you.” He said. “You’ll all be great ninjas.” In an instant all of Naruto’s worries drowned in the encouraging words of Iruka-Sensei and out he went. 

Naruto didn’t exactly care who he was teamed up with. Being lonely since birth resulted in him being accepting of anyone as long as they wanted to be friends with him. Even if that friend was bringing harm. He always dreamed of this day. Becoming best friends with his team, getting lunch after training together, gossiping about the other teams—he couldn’t help, but feel a bit excited too.

 

* * *

 

“What the hell is taking him so long?” The girl whined tugging on the ends of her head band. Naruto eyed his future teammate. Her long pink hair seemed to fall perfectly on shoulders. Her dress was a dark raspberry hue and her eyes, a kale shade. Naruto’s stomach grumbled. All this food thinking was making him hungry. What the hell _is_ taking Sensei so long?

 “You know _I_ heard from Kiba if the Sensei doesn’t show up in 15 minutes we can just go home.” Her voice, snobbish.

Naruto began to laugh. “It’s been over 15 minutes.”

A cheeky smile played on Sakura's face. “So what?” The two of them giggled.

“Kiba is the second dumbest kid in the academy. Of course he’d say something as stupid as that.” Condescending was the only way one could describe the boys tone. The two children turned their heads towards the voice of the mysterious shinobi. Even though the boy didn’t call Sakura stupid Naruto could tell she still felt somewhat offended and annoyed. Her fist tightened and her jaw clenched shut. “Oh yeah? Then who's the number one dumbest shinobi?” She said with her eyebrow lifted. His hands untangled themselves. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes as if the question was thought provoking. The two sat in silence, intrigued as to who the raven haired boy would deem stupid.

Suddenly, the boy stretched his arm out, pointing his index finger right at Naruto. As if his finger were a sword aimed directly at his heart, stabbing him into a state of fury. Anger flushed throughout Naruto’s body like blood. “Huh?!” He screamed. He barely knew the kid and yet he was already calling him dumb. The boy flipped his hair nonchalantly in response to Naruto’s outburst causing him to grow even more annoyed. 

 _~“Punch his fucking teeth out!”~_ The kyuubi’s graveling voice rang in Naruto’s ears.

“I’ll punch his teeth out!” Naruto yelled.

Before Naruto could even take a step closer towards the delinquent, Sakura’s hands were already fastened around his arm, pulling him back. Her grip was so strong, Naruto felt no matter how hard he could yank it she would remain as still as a marble statue. The jinchuriki’s throat turned dry. Sakura however, looked completely calm. “Lets not fight, okay?” Even though she smiled, it seemed more like a command than a suggestion. Naruto had no idea Sakura was this strong.

“Uh, yeah.” Naruto said. The boiling anger at the pit of his stomach was settled to a calming. He may be dumbest kid in the academy according to the asshole that sat seats away from him, but Naruto was smart enough to know not to poke a sleeping lion.

“Hmph!” The boy smirked triumphantly. His nose pointing the ceiling. The veins that thumped in Naruto’s forehead were a second from busting open in anger, but Sakura’s quick flash of hostility from her daring smile made Naruto’s feet turn cold.

“Whatever.” He said, not bothering to even look at the condescending asshole.

“Don’t worry about him. Only jerks are mean for no reason.” Sakura spoke loudly, obviously trying to provoke him.

Even though Naruto knew Sakura was right, he couldn’t help but feel a bit curious as to why the kid was the way he was. The small itch at the back of his brain began to move its way to front, until eventually, Naruto couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“What’s his deal?” He whispered.

“His _deal_?” Sakura tilted her head, confused by Naruto’s question.

“Why is he so mean?”

Sakura looked shocked by his question. As if everyone knew the reason why that child was the way he was. The longer she looked at him the more Naruto began to believe maybe he really _is_ the dumbest in the academy.

“Don’t you know? He’s Sasuke.”

“Huh?”

Sakura leaned in closer. Her lips almost touching Naruto’s ears.

“Sasuke _Uchiha._ ”

Naruto’s eyes grew as wide as a ramen bowl and every lock in his brain clicked.

“Uchiha!” He yelled. Sakura jumped to cover the child's mouth, but it was too late. Sasuke most definitely heard him yell his last name and now knows the two of them were gossiping about him. However, the Uchiha boy didn’t even bother to turn his head. Of course he didn’t. His name has been thrown around like a rag doll within the mouths of every single citizen in the Konoha Village.

Just like Naruto’s.

“Naruto!” She shouted in a whisper.  

“Sorry!” He whispered back.

Sakura sighed.

She drummed her fingers against the wooden desk impatiently waiting for their new Sensei. Even Naruto grew impatient.

“If I was ever this late I’d get sent to the Hokage’s office.” Naruto teased.

“You’re _always_ this late.” Sasuke spat.

Sakura giggled at the Uchiha’s pessimistic response making Naruto’s cheeks burn.

 _What the hell does it take to get on Sasuke's good side?_ Suddenly an idea surfaced itself in Naruto’s brain. Getting up from his seat, Naruto walked his way towards the door, opening it to see if the Sensei was anywhere to be seen. “Naruto what are you doing?” Sakura whined, yet her intrigued expression said otherwise. A mischievous grin stretched across Naruto's face. Shooing her word's away like a fly, he made his way towards the chalkboard eraser. Naruto dragged the Sensei’s chair towards the door, then finally, stood on top of it. He smiled triumphantly as he placed the eraser in between the cracks of the open door. Naruto was a genius! If he could make the stone cold Uchiha laugh, maybe then he wouldn’t be so mean to him!

“G-geez, it’s your fault if you get in trouble!” Sakura snorted, barely being able to hold back her laughter.

“A jounin isn’t dumb enough to fall for a stupid trick like that.” Naruto’s eyes lit up from Sasuke’s sudden involvement. His attitude still as patronizing as ever, making Naruto feel somewhat challenged.

“Well I didn’t fucking ask yo—”

As much as Sasuke and Sakura looked disinterested in whatever the hell Naruto was doing, their eyes immediately shot towards the door the moment they heard it open.

Just as Naruto had planned, the chalk eraser landed on top of their new Sensei’s head. For a second, the room was paralyzed with silence until a roar of laughter, escaping both Naruto and Sakura, completely interrupted it.

“S-sorry I tried to warn him!” She gushed, straining to conceal her laughter. Sasuke on the other hand remained silent.

Sensei didn’t even bother to move. His face remaining as stone cold as Sasuke’s and his single eye (one covered by his headband and the other shown) drooped. Despite his grey hair being in all sorts of directions and his poor posture, his body was muscular. Completely debunking the idea that the Sensei was old. However, what Naruto could collect from his appearance was he looked as if he just came back from a long restless nap.

 Though one thing's for sure, he wasn’t in the mood for any of their bullshit. 

“Welp,” Sensei placed his hand on his chin as if he were thinking, then sighed. “I hate you.” Those three words fell heavy on them all.


	2. The Uchiha,  The Jinchuurki, and a Haruno.

**Sakura**

The colors in the sky mixed together like milk in coffee. Weeds and dandelions sprung from the cracks in the corners of the academy rooftop, leading up to a thick batch near the entrance. The smell of delicious street food and the earthy scent from the rain that occured the night before, embraced Sakura’s nose. The feeling of warmth kissing against her skin was far from discomfort.

“It’s so nice out!” Sakura exclaimed, her eyes shining and the wind gently brushing through her hair.

The weather was nice and welcoming, but the atmosphere surrounding their new Sensei was not.

“We’ll start off with an introduction.” He began, propping and resting his head on his hand. “Tell me your likes, dislikes, dreams,” Even though his question reflected an interest in the students, his expression said otherwise. A look of disregard and indifference. Sakura knew that look all too well.

“What about you? Shouldn’t _you_ be introducing yourself first?” Naruto yelled, pointing his finger at Sensei. He was right. They’ve been sitting in that musty room for hours waiting for their new Sensei, only for him to be a disinterested old man.

“Yeah!” Sakura shouted.

Sasuke of course, said nothing.

“Well,” Sensei sighed deeply. He looked up as if he were thinking about the meaning of life, or maybe he was just thinking about what he had for breakfast that morning. “My name is Kakashi Hatake.”

“Ha-ta-ke” Sakura said back, test driving his name. Naruto nodded his head, copying Sakura. “Ha-ta-ke.”

“Yes, yes...I have no reason to tell you my likes or dislikes, and my dreams...I have a few hobbies.” The way Kakashi Sensei spoke was very _strange._ He had a clueless and deep-in-thought undertone to all his words. As if he was questioning himself every time he spoke while simultaneously sounding tired and stupid. Sakura didn’t know if she had just gotten assigned to a Sensei with shit for brains or if he hasn’t fully woken up from the obvious nap that occurred before their meetup.

“Naruto, how about you go first?”

Everyone turned their heads, looking at the yellow haired child, interested in what he had to say. Even Sasuke seemed a bit intrigued. He scratched the back of his head, shifting his weight from side to side, obviously nervous. Sakura made sure to flash him a gentle smile, trying to reassure him he was okay.

“My name is Naruto Uzumaki!” He beamed.

The two of them held a very complicated relationship. Anytime Sakura was bullied for being from the Haruno clan Naruto wouldn’t hesitate to stick up for her and anytime he was being bullied for being a jinchuuriki Sakura made sure to stand up for him too. However, they never called each other friends. Helping each other out was just something they both did for one another. An exchange for an exchange and having friends in a world of constant war, wasn’t something the two didn’t have the luxury for.

“I like sleeping and eating ramen until my stomach bloats up like a balloon!” Sakura giggled at his metaphor causing Naruto’s cheeks to burn cherry red. “Um, I don’t really hate anything. I mean I hate people who are mean for no reason, but,” His words stretched and Sasuke’s head instantly snapped up shooting Naruto a daring glare in response to his petty comment. “Anyways, my dream is to become someone people can admire. That's all!”

“Admire. Hm.” Kakashi said, hand on his chin. “Alright Sakura how about you go next.” Sakura’s form perked up and her face glowed.

“My name is Sakura,” She spoke clearly, hoping to make a good first impression for Kakashi. “I like—”

“From what clan?”

Sakura’s eyes began to shift and every ounce of confidence drained itself dry from her body, leaving her with cheeks redder than her attire. “Haruno.” Her words covered in shame. Naruto’s glare of pity touched upon Sakura, causing her to slouch, hoping to become small enough to hide in her embarrassment.

“A jinchuuriki and a Haruno? This has got to be a joke.” This was the first time Sasuke spoke since that afternoon. His words hitting harder than any kunai.

“You're not any better! You're a _Uchiha_!” Naruto yelled, his fist balled up and ready to strike the smirk on Sasuke’s face. Sasuke’s expression fell flat and his eyes flared in fury. Naruto had obviously hit a nerve. “Animals shouldn’t speak unless instructed.” He spat. Naruto’s foot dug into the ground beneath him and his body crouched forward, daring the Uchiha to say another word.

“The fuck did you—”

Suddenly, a sharp object that was quickly launched between the two, gently grazed Naruto's nose. In an instant, the boy let out a gasp, clasping his hands against the small cut in complete shock. Sakura and Sasuke immediately looked at the direction of the attack: Kakashi Sensei.

“What the hell was that?!” Naruto shrieked.

Sensei began to make his way closer towards the three with his kunai in hand. He stopped in front of Sakura, towering her. Sakura stared back at him in confusion. Her heart jumping in her chest, leaving her with a lumped throat and a beating head. “Your hand.” He instructed. Without a second thought, the shinobi complied.

At first, Sakura couldn’t feel a thing. Until suddenly, little drops of what seemed to be her blood splattered against the ground below her. Painting it in a bright crimson color.

“Huh!?” She yelled, immediately pulling her hand back from Kakashi Sensei’s grip. Making his way towards Naruto, the jinchuuriki yelped in fear. “Stay the hell away!” Before the yellow haired boy could even consider striking Kakashi in defense, his hand was already dripping blood. Sasuke wasn’t as loud as Naruto, but even he too, couldn’t hide the fear behind his eyes as he sliced the surface of his palm.

“Alright!” Sensei said, stepping back almost as if he were viewing a painting he completed.

“Now shake hands!”

Not a single sound came out from the three. Only a confused silence. Kakashi sighed deeply. His childish and slow demeanor immediately changed into one more serious. “A Uchiha, a Jinchuuriki, and a Haruno. All rejected by the entire village.”

“So what?” Naruto spat defensively.

“So,” He stretched his words, waving his hands as if the answer to Naruto’s question was obvious, “From now on the three of you will start treating each other like family.” His eyes shifted from Sakura to Sasuke. “That means being nice.” Sasuke pouted lips and his eyebrows crouched, embarrassed. “Now shake hands.” Kakashi Sensei commanded.

The three of them looked at each other. This was the first time Sakura has ever gotten a good look at the two and it seemed as though it was their first time too. Sasuke was scrawny, and his eyes were dark and scary. However, the longer she stared at him the more embarrassed she felt for letting someone delicate looking as him, anger her. She couldn’t help but giggle.

Heat rushed to the surface of Sasuke’s cheeks, immediately turning away. His nose scrunched up and his lips were pursed, like an angered toddler. “Hmph!” He went.

With a smile that stretched so wide, revealing her gums and pressing her rosy cheeks, Sakura extended her arm out for the Uchiha to clasp. Sasuke began to chew on the corners of his mouth, as if he were debating if he should shake hands with the girl. Lifting his chest and his eyes never connecting with hers, he eventually stretched his arm out too. Sakura began to eye the blood that dripped from Sasuke’s palm. She wondered what kind of power laid deep within it and couldn’t help, but find herself a bit surprised to see someone as condescending as Sasuke could actually bleed. If he was as human as her, did that mean he could smile just like she can? And if he could smile, would that mean he could cry too?

Sakura tightened her fingers around Sasuke’s hand. It was covered in calluses and the blood between them felt warm and sticky. Naruto began to shift his weight from one foot to the other. Nervous by what was happening. She lifted her eyebrow at him, waiting for him to grab onto Sasuke’s other hand. Though Naruto seemed to be waiting for someone else’s reassurance.  

“Just grab my hand already you fucking pussy.” Sasuke spat, his words fumbling and his eyes never making contact with Naruto’s.

The boy’s face instantly lit up and eagerly, he grabbed onto Sasuke’s hand.

The Uchiha, The Jinchuuriki, and a Haruno.

Just like the blood that dripped from between their fingers and into the cracks of the concrete below them, Sakura felt a touch of hope drip into the cracks of her heart. Hope that maybe she was wrong and that having friends wasn't only for the luxurious.

 

* * *

 

“This is my bush! Move!” Sakura yelled in a whisper, shoving Sasuke away from her.

“Your bush? I was here first!”

“Don’t test me!”

“Someone coming from the Haruno clan shouldn’t be so bold!” He shouted, angering Sakura.

“At least I _have_ a clan!”

Without hesitation Sasuke jumped from where he crouched with his fist as tight as Sakura’s ponytail.

“I’ll fuck you u—”

“Spot you~!”

In just a wink, there in front of them stood, towering over the two shinobi’s, Kakashi Sensei. A loud gasp escaped Sakura’s mouth. Quickly, she grabbed the kunai from her pocket, launching it towards Kakashi’s stomach, resulting in her falling to the ground. She was welcomed with the taste of smoke and dust.

Sasuke sighed in relief. “It was just a shadow clone.” She gritted, digging her feet into the ground as her eyes moved quickly, waiting for him to attack.

She’s prepared for this moment. The bruises and scars that ran across her back were proof of this.

 

_“You're weak. Just like your mother.” He spat. Kizashi Haruno eyed the helpless child. She laid on a patch of spiky grass. Barely being able to hold herself up. Panting and trying to catch her breath, she dug her nails into the ground in response to the burning sensation on her arm. She watched as the blood from her nose trickled down into the ground, trying to keep herself from crying. She liked to believe that the blood was feeding the plants. That her Haruno blood wasn’t for once, as useless as everyone made it out to be. However, no matter how much she refused to blink, the tears flowed regardless, frustrating her father._

_The anger within his eyes began to wither leaving only pity. Kizashi crouched down near his daughter, cupping her face and gently wiping her tears. Sakura flinched from his sudden touch. “I’m sorry for crying, Papa.” She whimpered, biting her lips hoping it would make the tears stop flowing. “Shh, child.” He cooed. Comforting his battered daughter. “You're a woman.” He said. “ You can’t help that you cry.”_

 

Sakura gripped the kunai in her hand so tight that blisters began to form. “Where is he?” She gritted between her teeth. The sound of leaves rustling in a bush made the two jump. Without hesitation, the two began to throw every weapon in their pouches until finally, the rustling stopped.

“Did we get him?” Sakura whispered.

“I don’t know how about you check.”

“Me? Why do I have to check?” She shouted in a whisper.

Before the two could break out into another argument, the rustling from the bush began again, but this time, one could hear the sound of someone groaning.

“Kakashi?” Sakura asked, her stance getting less defensive.

“No.” Sasuke sighed, rolling his eyes and putting his hands back into his pockets. “Its Naruto.”

Naruto stood from out the bushes with his hand pressed against his arm. Trying to stop blood from flowing out. Sakura’s cheeks began to burn in embarrassment. “Sorry Naruto.” She mumbled under her breath.

However, Naruto didn’t seem to want to hear an apology from her. His eyes burned into Sasuke’s skull, waiting for him to say it too.

“What?” He snapped. His tone was as sharp as always.

 _Typical Sasuke._ Sakura thought to herself, rolling her eyes.

“Apologize.” She chided.

“It’s his fault he was detected. He’s the one who should apologize.” Sasuke objected.

Naruto’s eyes grew as big as the sun and the veins that thumped across his forehead became visible. Ready to burst in anger. “You’re right! You’re absolutely right! I am so so sorry your Majesty Sasuke! I’m so sorry for throwing myself against the kunai's _you_ threw, but of course it’s my fault! My fault!” He huffed. Naruto’s words were as sharp as the kunai Sasuke threw at him. A sarcastic surface, but a fuming undertone. Sasuke’s entire face grew a bright red. Embarrassed by how stupid Naruto made him look for once.

His face was so red, Sakura couldn’t help, but giggle at how ridiculous he looked.

“Stop laughing.” He growled.

“Of course Your Majesty!” Sakura snorted.

Sasuke gritted his teeth. “Team up against me, become the best of friends for all I care, but at the end the day only one of you will become a part of this team. Then we’ll see who's really laughing.” Silence fell onto the three of them. Sasuke was right. There are only two bells wrapped around Kakashi’s waist which meant only two of them would pass. Sakura hoped it would be Naruto and her. Having someone as strong as Sasuke on her team would take away the attention she wanted for her clan. She had to team up with Naruto.

Like a child, Naruto stuck his tongue out at Sasuke in response to his pessimistic words. Annoyed, Sasuke shooed his words like a fly, letting it go. “Whatever.” He spat, walking away.

“Wait.” Naruto scratched the back of his head. “You're right.” The two shinobi’s turned their heads. Sasuke’s eyes grew wide, completely shocked at what he had just heard. Naruto clenched his wound tighter, his head lowered by what seemed like shame. “The both of you have big dreams..” Naruto rose his head. His brows drew together and his eyes shone with tears.  “I’m the only one without a dream and it’s just wrong if I take it away from you guys.” 

The memories that Sakura had tried her best to repress of her father, building and shaping her to become the face of the Haruno clan, slithered it's way up her throat, suffocating her. A pool of warmth swirled in her mouth and her stomach churned. Sakura felt like panicking and throwing up at the same time, but the child kept her composure. 

“Naruto, what are you saying?” Sakura gulped, pushing down whatever was trying to make its way out her stomach.

“I’ll quit.” He said. His eyes now glued to the ground. This time, as if he were saying it to himself. “I’ll quit.”

 


	3. the bell test

**Sasuke**

“You’re fucking stupid.” With those words alone, the vulnerable atmosphere that Naruto created completely shattered and the tears that flowed down Naruto’s face immediately turned dry.

“W-what?”

Sasuke ran his hands through his hair, sighing deeply. He looked up at the sky as the memories him and his brother shared together began to flow through his mind's eye. Air escaping his lungs and his heart feeling like it’s been stabbed by a hundred kunais, Sasuke grinded his teeth. Of course the boy would do anything to fulfill his dream. However, something in the pit of his stomach felt wrong with the idea of cheating his way up.

Sasuke didn’t know what was more insulting. The fact that Naruto truly believed he was strong enough to lessen his chances of fulfilling his dreams or that he was willing to throw away the opportunity to become someone simply for ‘friendship.’ An opportunity that people from lower classed clans like Sakura would kill for. Sasuke lowered his glance, staring into Naruto's eyes in confusion. He didn’t understand why the boy was obviously trying to gain approval from him. Naruto scratched the back of his head, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as heat rushed its way onto his face, intimidated by Sasuke’s stare. 

“Don’t be a fool.” For once, Sasuke’s tone wasn’t as sharp as usual. Sakura crossed her arms, her expression smug. As if she were watching her own children reconcile.

“Sasuke’s got a soft spot.” She teased, playfully shoving the injured jinchuuriki. Naruto began to shuffle his feet, embarrassed by Sakura’s sudden comment. The Uchiha rolled his eyes. The idea that he had an ounce of care for the boy irked him.

“I don’t need you chickening out to help me pass. I can win on my own.” Sasuke fumed as he turned around, hoping the two wouldn’t see how red his neck and face was. A loud sigh escaped Sakura’s mouth and Naruto’s expression grew discouraged.

“You really think you’re that tough, huh?” Sakura asked, lifting her eyebrow at him.

“No doubt.” Sasuke said, without any hesitation.

Naruto moved his gaze towards Sakura. “Then what about you?” Naruto sounded genuinely concerned. As if Sakura were a helpless child who couldn’t fight for herself. Sasuke didn’t blame him. She is from the Haruno clan after all.

Sakura placed her hand onto Naruto’s shoulder. For a second, Sasuke expected her to give him a reassuring smile, but instead, Sakura clenched onto Naruto’s shoulder so tightly, Sasuke’s face cringed in anguish. A loud shriek of agony escaped Naruto’s mouth, but regardless, Sakura held on. “Don’t doubt my strength, Naruto.” She spat, flashing a hostile smile.

“Alright! Alright!”

Sasuke couldn’t help, but admire the girl’s morality. If he ever came from such a clan he wouldn’t hesitate to cheat his way up the ranks. A smile almost made its way onto Sasuke’s face. _Almost._

Finally letting go, the Jinchuuriki fell to the ground, staring up at the sky above him. “The hell are you doing?” Sasuke asked, looking down at him.

“I’m still gonna' quit. There’s no reason for me to be a part of this team if I don’t even have an end goal to any of this.”

 Sasuke was so annoyed, he felt like ripping his hair out. However, he couldn’t help, but pity Naruto. He saw a little bit of himself in him whether he liked to admit it or not. He felt the same way for weeks after his clan’s slaughtering. Sasuke sat down next to him, Sakura doing the same.

“You said you want to be someone everyone admires right?” He sighed, not bothering to make eye contact with the boy.

“Yeah.”

“Then be Hokage. Everyone admires the Hokage.” Sasuke knew how ridiculous he sounded, but at this point he was just spitting out whatever he could think of if it meant ending this stupid pity party.

Stars beamed from Naruto’s moon shaped eyes. “Really? You think I can do it?” He chirped, looking up at the tired boy.

It almost felt criminal to say no.

“Anything can happen if you give it your best.” Sasuke’s voice was stilted. He turned his head in embarrassment as Sakura and Naruto began to snicker.

“A-are the two of you done fucking around or are we going to sit here and wait till the timer goes off?” Before Sakura could open her mouth to scold Sasuke on his rude comment, the sound of twigs snapping in the distance made the three shinobi clasp each other’s mouths. They have completely forgotten about the test, yelling and laughing like there was no tomorrow.

 _I’m an idiot!_ Sasuke thought to himself.

“Get your hand off my mouth!” Naruto whispered, his words muffled by Sasuke’s hand.

“You first!” He muffled back.

Naruto’s face grew mischievous, and suddenly a sharp pain shot into Sasuke’s palm. Exactly where Kakashi-Sensei sliced it.

Naruto had bitten his hand.

Before Sasuke could let out a loud cry in pain, the two shinobi’s jumped to cover Sasuke’s mouth, causing them to collapse onto the ground on top of him.

“Shh!” Sakura shouted in a whisper.

Blood dripped down Sasuke’s palm and with every fiber of his being he tried his best to keep the wails of an injured child internal.

“Where are you?” Kakashi-Sensei sang, his voice sounding haunting. Goosebumps began to rise onto Sasuke’s skin and the sound of his heartbeat grew louder in his head. After feeling how tight Sensei’s grip around his wrist was as he sliced the surface of his palm, Sasuke knew he wasn’t the weak old man he predicted him to be. The child-like attitude and slow demeanor was simply an act.

Sasuke watched him through the the holes of the leaves. He didn’t seem to be too observant of what was happening around him, but instead, had his nose stuck in a book.

“Icha Icha by Jiraiya.” Sakura read, her eyes glued onto Kakashi. “Wonder what its about.”

“Probably a book on how to be a badass ninja.” Naruto beamed. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“It’s a romance novel, dumbass.”

Sasuke expected a fist to land across his face any second now, but instead was welcomed with the look of judgement and confusion.

“You read romance novels?”

The day after Sasuke’s entire clan was completely slaughtered, Sasuke roamed the streets and houses of those who lived in the Uchiha neighborhood. He cleaned every house, feed every pet, and read every book. Including his father's stash of romance novels he wished he never knew about.

“It’s an acquired taste.” He whispered, heat traveling to the surface of his neck and cheeks.

Sakura and Naruto looked at each other, then shrugged.

 

* * *

 

Sakura launched herself out from the bushes towards Kakashi-Sensei. Twirling the kunai in her hand before attempting to strike him, resulting in Kakashi easily dodging her. Sweat dripped from the child's forehead and her panting grew louder. Kakashi, remaining calm, his nose still buried in his book. “How about this?” She panted, her fist flying towards him. Without a drop of sweat, he instantly moved out of range. Flipping her with one hand, and flipping the page with the other. Sakura grunted, barely landing on her feet. Immediately, she began to throw every ninja star she had in her pouch. Sasuke’s eyes widened in shock as he watched his Sensei catch every single one without having to leave contact with the novel. Sakura fell to the ground, clenching onto the grass as she tried to catch her breath.

“I wonder what’s in the next chapter!” Kakashi said to himself, shaking his bottom like an excited dog.

“Ew.” Naruto whispered.

Sasuke watched as fury boiled throughout Sakura's entire body like blood. Her brows digging into her eyes and her fist clenched in determination.

“That stupid book!” Sakura’s feet dug into the ground as she a launched herself up towards Kakashi. In just a wink, Sakura's fingers were wrapped around Sensei's book. Sasuke was in such awe at her speed, he didn't notice her other hand was digging her kunai deep into Kakashi's arm. Immediately, Sensei pushed her back with the surface his palm.

Blood splattered onto the grass. Sakura had wounded Kakashi.

“Is that interesting enough for you?” She smirked, wobbling and panting with her hand on her chest.

Naruto’s mouth hanged low in shock. Sasuke was dumbfounded.

“Not quite.” _Boom!_ A cloud of smoke emitted from where Sensei stood.

“A shadow clone.” Sasuke whispered.

The stench of sewer water hugged the shinobi’s noses.

Naruto immediately clenched his nose with his hand. “God, I hate how gross the smoke smells.” Before Sakura could land face down onto the ground in exhaustion, Naruto immediately jumped, catching her just in time.

 

* * *

 

The jinchuuriki's limbs hanged low. The sound of his stomach rumbling and echoing throughout the entire forest ringed in Sasuke’s ears. “I can’t eat with your stomach rumbling so loud.” Sasuke complained, stuffing his face with rice balls.

“You’re evil.” Naruto’s voice, weary from hunger. Sasuke chewed louder in response. Not a single care in the world.

The timer had gone out and Naruto was caught trying to sneak a bite of the lunch Kakashi-Sensei prepared for team 7, resulting in him being tied to a tree while Sasuke and Sakura enjoyed their meals before the test began again.

“We should work together this time.” Sakura muffled, food stuffed in one of her cheeks. Kakashi-Sensei was lenient enough to give the shinobi's another chance and even allowed for all of them to pass if at least one of them were able to grab a bell. Normally, Sasuke would refuse to accept anyone’s help, but watching Sakura get her butt kicked made Sasuke chose otherwise.

“Yeah.” He mumbled.

Naruto’s stomach began to rumble even louder. His face growing pale. “Can you spare me a rice ball? Pretty please?”

“No way! Kakashi said if we give you any food it’s an automatic fail!” Sakura shouted, shoving the food into her mouth faster than before. Naruto’s face grew sickly. Dark rings circled his eyes as they drooped. Sasuke could almost see his chakra leave his body like smoke above boiled water. Dead meat is what Naruto would be during the test.

Sasuke sighed deeply, grabbing a small piece of his rice ball and shoving it into Naruto’s gaped drooling mouth. Without a second thought, the child swallowed, too fast for him to chew. Sasuke watched the glow that was once there seep its way back into Naruto’s skin.

“Sasuke what the hell are you doing?” Sakura whispered. “You’re going to get us in troub—”  A rice ball was instantly launched into Sakura’s mouth. The Uchiha picked up another one from his bowl, threatening her to open her mouth up again for something other than food. “Just shut up and eat.” He ordered, waving the rice ball at her between his chopsticks.

Sakura obviously didn’t understand why Sasuke was risking his chances of failing to feed Naruto, but regardless, the child complied.

The sky turned to black. The sound of thunder shook the ground beneath them. Sasuke’s heart galloped in his chest, confused as to what the hell was happening. Before the three shinobi’s could blink and digest what was going on, there in front of them stood, towering above them: Kakashi-Sensei.

A loud gasp escaped Sakura’s mouth and the rice balls that were once stuffed in Naruto’s mouth fell to the ground in fear.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Naruto yelped.

“You!” Kakashi yelled, his voice so deep and chilling, Sasuke’s skin turned as white as the clouds that disappeared in the sky. “You!” His voice now louder. The Uchiha’s armpits grew prickly, blood pounding in his ears. "You!" A lump rose in Sasuke's throat as his shaking fingers wrapped its way around his kunai. He closed his eyes, too scared to see what would happen next.

“Pass~!” The sound of thunder was no more, birds were chirping again, and the feeling of the sun kissing against his arm convinced the Uchiha to open his eyes again. As his eyes began to adjust to the beaming sunlight Sasuke was welcomed with an unsettled feeling as to what he was seeing.

It seemed as though Kakashi-Sensei was smiling.


	4. a cool mission

**Kakashi**

Kakashi Hatake swiped the dead leaves off the grave marker, replacing the drying flowers with a more lively one. He stood in silence, taking a minute to reminisce on when things were easier.

From what Kakashi knew, death came to one like moonlight as thick as wool. Drowning and carving one's thoughts into silence, leaving only peace to linger. However, no matter how beautiful it sounded to him, pain still colored the shinobi’s chest.

* * *

“I’m. So. Bored!” Naruto exclaimed. “Bored! Bored! Bored!”

“And it’s hot.” Sakura cried, fanning herself with a folded leaf. “So, so, hot!”

Sasuke’s stomach rumbled, his face cringing up in embarrassment.

“So, so, hungry.” He mumbled, joining in.

Kakashi digged his nose deeper into his book, hoping the words on his page would drown out the children’s complaining.

“So bored!”

“So hot!”

“Hungry...”

Over and over their words circled around Kakashi’s ears. He tried reading out loud, shoving pieces of cotton into his ears, but no matter what he did, their voices still overpowered him.

“Oh for fucks sake.” Kakashi muttered to himself, slamming the book shut so loudly, the children drew back like startled birds. Kakashi turned himself around, facing the three as they stopped in tracks. Their faces pale in fear. Kakashi remained silent for a second. His finger’s pitching the bridge of his nose and his eyes closed, thinking. The tiny Shinobi’s stared at each other, as if they were playing hot potato with who would be blamed for disturbing the scary Sensei.

“Fine. We’ll get something to eat before training.” He gritted between his tightened jaw.

Naruto’s lips curled. Looking at Kakashi with his moon eyes, dazzling like a begging puppy. The Sensei sighed.

“And I’ll pay for the expenses!” Kakashi shouted tiredly. His voice stilted.

“Yes!”

Sakura and Naruto jumped in joy, doing some sort of strange hand shake, then hugged. Hatake looked at Sasuke. Somewhat worried he might feel left out in their celebration, but it seems as though he was too busy holding onto his stomach like a mother holding onto a newborn child. “So, so, hungry.” He said to himself. The two shinobi’s fell in laughter.

 

* * *

 

Naruto shoved the noodles so far down his throat, Kakashi was surprised he didn’t regurgitate it. “Another bowl please!”

At this rate Hatake wouldn’t have enough coins left in his pouch to pay rent. However, to Kakashi, it was worth the silence.

“Hey Kakashi?” Sakura’s voice was small and fragile. Like a drying rose petal. She leaned in closer to Hatake. Obviously trying to see what her Sensei was reading.

“Kakashi _Sensei._ ” He corrected, his eyes not leaving the book.

“Right, right! Can I ask you question?”

Kakashi had never wanted to bash his head onto the dining table in front of him so badly as he did that moment. Maybe rip out his hair first and if he was feeling extra bold, curse all three of them out for making so much noise, but instead, Hatake gently closed his book, staring the curious girl in the eyes.

“Of course Sakura.” He said sarcastically, which of course, Sakura didn’t get.

“How come we haven't done any cool missions yet?” Surprisingly, Naruto was able to hear Sakura’s question over the sound of himself slurping down every bowl.

“Yeah! How come?” Naruto went, pointing his finger at Kakashi as if he committed a crime. “Even Kiba’s team got to do something cool!”

The ninja’s entire face began to burn. Luckily, because of his mask, none of the children noticed.

“Just cause. Now shut up and eat.”

Tracing the rim of his cup with his finger, the Shinobi began to chew on the corner of his mouth anxiously. Kakashi didn’t want to give the three an explanation. Having to tell your students the reason why they’re constantly getting shitty missions is because of his (rightfully) bitter ex-boyfriend wasn’t something Kakashi wanted to discuss.

Sakura’s body fell into a slouch, embarrassed for being told off for asking such a harmless question. Luckily, Kakashi’s students weren’t the type to question their Sensei’s words. The grumbling calls of their stomachs were louder than the children's curiosity. Quickly, they went back to eating. A sigh of relief escaped the masked ninja’s mouth and happily he began to read again.

“Another bowl please!” Naruto went.

“Me first!” Sasuke yelled shoving Naruto’s empty bowl to the side with one hand and lifting his in the air with the other.

Kakashi eyelids drooped, a heavy sigh leaving his mouth. Slowly, he closed his book again. “Here we go.” He sang to himself in misery.

“The hell was that for?”

“You already had seconds!”

“I didn’t fucking ask you!

“I’m not asking! I’m telling!”

“Here we go. Here we go.” The Sensei sang again. Before Kakashi could get up from his seat and leave the barking children to fend for themselves, a loud yelp escaped the two’s mouths.

“What the hell Sakura?” Naruto cried, massaging the place Haruno had struck him.

“People are staring at us!” Sakura scolded in a whisper.

Just like Naruto and Sasuke, Kakashi eyes began to scan the area. Contorted faces filled with disgust were directed at Hatake’s three students. Their eyes as sharp as the kunai Kakashi held onto tightly, burning in anger. Hatake's hands grew clammy, embarrassed by the sudden attention.

A loud sigh escaped the Sensei’s mouth. Kakashi wasn’t new to moments like these. Having everyone’s eyes on him, because of his loud mouthed teammates.  

Kakashi rubbed his temples, then bowed. “Please excuse the children. They’re a bit…enthusiastic.” He forcefully joked, scratching the back of his head in hopes it would subside the tension. He turned to the three, giving them a chilling stare and silently commanding them to do the same. Sakura and Sasuke bowed their heads in shame. However, Naruto stood his ground. Folding his arms, and squinting his eyes at the judgmental crowd.

“Naruto!” Sakura scolded again.

“What? Why do I have to apologize? Sasuke’s the one making too much noise!” He complained, pointing his finger at the Uchiha. Sasuke gritted his teeth and immediately forced the boys head down with his hand. “This isn’t the time Naruto!” He shouted.

“There. See?” Kakashi gestured his hands towards the three. “All is good.” He smiled. The faces of those who starred grew softer and the Sensei’s body slumped forward in relief. “Phew.” He said to himself.

Before Hatake could pay the man behind the counter for the meal, the sound of someone sucking their teeth stopped him in his tracks.

 _“I don’t know why the village wastes their money feeding those three brats.”_ The man spat. _“What a waste.”_

Like a snapping twig, a bolt of anger shot up throughout the Sensei’s entire body. His hands balled up into a fist. A burning desire to strike the old man itched against his palm.

“Excuse m-”

Without a warning, as quick as a stroke of lightning, an empty bowl went flying into the air and landing against the old man’s head resulting in him falling back.

“The hell you just say?” Naruto raged. A smile played onto the threes lips, and then, laughter.

“You brat!” The old man launched his fist towards Naruto, which Kakashi easily blocked.  

“Let's not get carried away now.” Kakashi threatened, titling his head and daring the man to make another move. Naruto and Sakura hid behind their tall Sensei, their bodies so pressed against Kakashi’s leg he could feel them shaking in fear. Even Sasuke, condescending as ever, crouched silently behind him.

“Let’s get out of here.” Kakashi said, placing his hand onto Sasuke’s back to calm his nerves.

“What? Why? Where?” Naruto asked as the grip around Kakashi’s pants grew tighter. Naruto’s voice was loud, but his body was hunched in fear, reflecting an injured bird.  No matter how much courage poured from Naruto’s presences, his eyes still brimmed with tears. The boy bit his lips, trying to stop the tears from flooding. “I can beat him!” For a second, Naruto reminded him of someone he knew from long ago and immediately Kakashi’s heart grew as heavy as a bag of bricks.

The Sensei placed his hand on top of Naruto’s head, ruffling his hair as if he were his own dog in attempt to comfort him.

“Let’s go, Naruto.” This time, his words were much softer.

“Okay Sensei.”

As Naruto aggressively rubbed his eyes until they were bloodshot red, the sad Shinobi wrapped his fingers around Kakashi’s hand. Holding them tightly like a lost child.

“Let’s go get you guys a cool mission.”

Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto heads immediately shot up, their eyes beaming.

“Really?” Sakura said through her smile.

The Sensei crouched down to Sakura, a smile so bright one could go blind from staring at it for too long. He felt as if though he was staring into the eyes of his own daughter.

“Really? Really?” She asked again, this time jumping up and down like an excited puppy.

Kakashi nodded his head and the three roared in celebration.

 

* * *

 

“Where are we going?”

“Training.”

“But you said-”

“I lied.”

“No!” Naruto ran in front of Kakashi, stopping him in tracks. “Shinobi’s. Don’t. Lie.”

“Well I. Just. Did.” Kakashi spat, crouching down to look the orange haired child straight in the eyes. A loud sigh escaped Sasuke’s mouth. The three turned their heads, shocked and intrigued as to what the Uchiha had to say.

“As much as I hate to agree with the loser, Naruto’s right.” His words grew smaller after every word, making it impossible for one to hear that Sasuke had complimented his obvious rival. Naruto’s face went from being scrunched up in anger to a huge sun-like smile. If even Sasuke was telling Hatake off, maybe Naruto _is_ right.

However, the thought of having to approach Iruka made the Shinobi’s throat turn as dry as the dessert.

“I don’t care.”

“Kakashi!” Sakura shouted, jumping next to Naruto and blocking Hatake’s path.

“Sensei.” He corrected.

“Right, right.” Sakura said, waving her arms as if she were shooing a fly. “Can we please go to Iruka-Sensei’s office and get a cool mission?”

In an instant, Kakashi’s droopy eye turned as round and wide as the rock in the pit of his stomach by the mention of Iruka’s name. Quickly, he shoved the book even closer to his face in an effort to cover his expression.

“Please!” Naruto whined, pulling on the edge of Hatake’s jacket. “It’s literally right there!”

“No Naruto!” He shouted, his voice cracking.

“I’ll spoil the book if you don’t.” Sasuke muttered, looking away as if helping ones teammates is something to be embarrassed about.

Kakashi’s muscles grew tense.

 _You got to be kidding._ Hatake thought to himself.

“Fine!”

Kakashi began stomping his way towards the office, trying to ignore the snickering of the excited shinobi’s. The closer he got, the louder his heartbeat galloped. It’s been more than a year since the two have conversed. Each step was a memory resurfacing in Kakashi’s brain, causing the ninja’s ears to burn.

“Here we go. ” He sang to himself in misery. “Here we go.”


	5. differences

**Naruto**

“I’m. So. Bored!” Naruto exclaimed. “Bored! Bored! Bored!”

“And it’s hot.” Sakura cried, barely able to keep her balance due to her heavy backpack.  “So, so, hot!”

Sasuke cringed his nose, moving his face away from the two’s view. “I’m still hungry,” He mumbled under his breath. “So, so hungry.”

A deep sigh of frustration escaped Kakashi-Sensei’s mouth. Aggressively, he slammed his book shut causing Naruto to jump in fright.

“Well this is what you asked for isn’t it? This is what a _cool_ mission is all about.” Kakashi-Sensei flared sarcastically. Naruto began to chew on the sides of his cheeks and his weight shifted from one foot to the other.

“I know, but um, where’s the action?” He softly whined.

“Action? You better hope there isn’t any. Action only means a possibility of failure, Naruto.” Kakashi-Sensei said ruffling the boys hair.

Naruto growled, turning his head away in attempt to shoo Kakashi-Sensei’s head pat. He hated how Sensei always babied him compared to the other two. It made Naruto feel small, underestimated, and most importantly weak to the rest of the team. He wasn’t someone who needed to be coddled.

“Of course Naruto is bloodthirsty. What do you expect from a jinchuuriki?” Sasuke said carelessly while playing with his kunai. He flipped his hair, sparking fury in Naruto’s chest.

“Sasuke!” Sakura scolded.

Naruto’s muscles tightened. Anger boiled at the pit of his stomach, flowing like water throughout his entire body and brimming his eyes. He thought maybe, just maybe, Sasuke and him could have been friends since Naruto felt he was the only one in the village that truly understood him. However, instead of bonding over their pain, Sasuke only wanted to create more for Naruto to fight through. He didn’t understand him. Was Sasuke only being nice to him during the bell test because Naruto was being too much of a nuisance? If that’s the case Naruto no longer felt the need to be nice back. He wanted to hurt Sasuke as much as he’s hurt and confused him.

Clenching his fist so tight, Naruto could feel his nails digging its way into the surface of his palm, forcing himself to blurt out the meanest thing that surfaced in his mind.

 _“Just because your entire clan is dead doesn’t mean you have the right to treat every else like shit.”_ Naruto spat, his words cutting through the evening heat.

He stood there bravely, not taking back his cruel words. However, the sweat that bundled across the boy’s forehead contradicted his expression and tone. He nervously waited for a response, but only a deep hush welcomed him.

Sakura’s eyes grew wide, her jaw hanging low, agape like a baby and then immediately, clasping her mouth, gasping in shock. At first, a look of anger sparked in Sasuke’s glare. His eyes wide in complete disbelief at what he just heard, but slowly it fell and for a second, Naruto could feel something in Sasuke’s eyes falter.

“Whatever.” Sasuke said, walking ahead of the three of them and not letting the boy get a good look at his expression.

Guilt weighed heavy in Naruto’s chest.

 

* * *

 

“This is so fucking stupid.” Sasuke said nonchalantly, resting his chin on his palm.

It was completely dark and only the moon’s light shed brightness onto the four. Kakashi-Sensei said lighting a fire could bring unwanted attention and for ninja’s entering unknown territory during the villages ‘ceasefire’ was not something any of them wanted. However, that didn’t stop Naruto from shivering in fear.

“Did I ask?” Kakashi-Sensei replied. He crossed his arms, eyeing the boy next to him. They all sat criss-crossed on the spiky grass. One next to the other in a small circle. ‘It's family time’ is what Kakashi-Sensei said. After what Naruto had blurted, it was obvious there was an unspoken tension between the three. Especially between Sasuke and him and Sensei was determined to get rid of it.

“I have no interest in befriending these two idiots.” He spat, lips pursed like an angered kitten.

Naruto rolled his eyes. He wondered why Kakashi-Sensei always babied Naruto when Sasuke’s childlike and _cute_ demeanor were way more prevalent than his.

 _Cute?_ Naruto’s glare immediately shifted away from Sasuke’s view, his face burning. _Did I just call him cute?_

“I don’t care if you’re not interested in making friends. Don’t you remember what happened on that rooftop?” Kakashi-Sensei scolded, smacking Sasuke’s head with his novel in attempt to shush him.

“Yeah. You cut our palms like a crazy person and then told us to shake hands.” Sakura said in a sarcastic tone. She was equally disinterested as Sasuke.

“That’s not what-” Kakashi-Sensei’s voice was heavy in weary. He sighed deeply, then pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look.”  Suddenly, Sensei began to tug on his glove, until eventually, it came off revealing a small scar on the surface of his palm. Gasps of awe escaped the children’s mouths.

“My Sensei made us do the same thing.” He said as the three leaned in closer to take a good look at the scar. A pink small jagged line ran down Sensei’s palm and for some strange reason, looked pretty to Naruto. He reached his hand out to poke it gently, as if the wound had not healed years ago.

Naruto’s eyes beamed. Was Kakashi-Sensei finally going to give them a story about his childhood? Naruto had always wanted to hear the stories of the life of a ninja. “I had a teammate who always drove me crazy,” Kakashi-Sensei’s eyes shifted towards the night sky. It looked as if though he was seeing something Naruto couldn’t. Completely frozen in memory, looking through his mind's eye. Naruto hanged onto every word that fell through the Sensei’s mouth. So much, he could almost hear the whispering and hushing of the forest that every blow of wind carried, telling him to listen.  “We nagged each other so much even my Sensei began to worry. Now that I think back at it I really was the worst...” His words and tone began to sink. As if they were too heavy to carry.

A smile played across Kakashi-Sensei’s face. His eye tuning glass-like and polished. Gently he laughed, yet his voice felt bordered in pain.

“Did it affect it? Your teamwork?” Sakura asked leaning in closer.

Kakashi-Sensei pinched her nose, completely breaking the trance and enticing aura that circled him and his words. Sakura’s shoulders fell back into a slouch, expression dropping.

“Forget I asked.” She snapped, shooing his hand away. Naruto knew how much she hated being belittled.

“In the ninja world, those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.”

“Yeah, we know. You told us this after the bell test.” Naruto whined.

“Yet you three continue to ignore it.” He scolded, hitting Naruto on the head with his book.

The boy immediately began to rub his injury as Sakura began to giggle.

“In times of battle we have to count on each other. So the three of you must learn to get along.” Kakashi-Sensei pinched the tip of Naruto's nose. “Both verbally-” then Sakura and Sasuke’s nose. “-and physically. We can _not_ abandon one another. Especially when you’re all each other have to call family.” The three’s eyes grew as wide as the moon. Their breaths completely caught in the words of their Sensei’s. They looked at each other, as if to see if they all agreed on their Sensei’s wise words, then immediately looked away, embarrassed by the sudden agreement. The sounds of the chirping crickets grew louder, almost nudging one of them to speak.

Sensei’s grip around their noses loosened.

“Okay,” Sasuke began to pick on the old wound that marked his palm. “I’ll try being more ‘teamwork-ish ’ ” He mumbled, his eyes glued to the ground. Naruto’s ears flushed as he watched Sasuke nervously pluck the grass below him. Anytime the cold stoned boy’s face rested into an expression much more softer, it always seemed to make Naruto’s chest feel suffocated and warm.

“ _Ish_?” Sakura replied.

“Yeah.” He whispered. His eyes now off the ground, looking up and staring deeply into Naruto  “ _Ish_.” Sasuke’s eyes glistened in the moonlight as if billions of stars rested in them. His hair glowing, blending in with the night’s sky and his cheeks burned a pretty pink, matching his pouting soft lips. Naruto’s fingers grabbed onto the grass below him in some sort of support. As if his lungs lost its grip on air. Sasuke kept his eyes locked on the nervous boy, no matter how bright his cheeks got. He looked delicate, small, and soft. The longer he stared into Naruto the more Naruto felt the two were merging into one body. As if he could read every single thought that surfaced its way onto the child's mind.

Naruto’s eyes immediately shifted away from Sasuke’s, his entire face and neck burning a deep crimson. He ruffled his hair, chewing on the corners of his lips.

“Yeah, yeah whatever! Can we go to sleep now?” Naruto shouted, his words fumbling.

He couldn’t take any more 'family time’. His heart felt as if it were tightly jarred.

 _Why do I feel so frustrated?_ Naruto thought to himself. _It gotta’ be some strange jutsu._

Before Naruto could retaliate, a pile of grass went flying onto the child's face and mouth.

“What the hell?” He shouted, spitting it out of his mouth. Instantly, the boy grabbed the grass below him to throw back, but any drop of fury that burned through his entire body was instantly washed over with feelings of confusion and guilt. Sasuke’s expression was empty, yet sad. His eyes, distant.

“Forget I said anything.” He spat, aggressively kicking the grass below him.

Naruto’s posture grew stiff. Grunts of disappoint escaped both Sakura and Kakashi-Sensei’s mouths as the Uchiha made his way back inside the tent. Naruto’s forehead wrinkled in confusion, the feeling of guilt numbing his chest.

“What just happened?”

“You idiot.” Sakura whispered, pinching the bridge of her nose in disappointment. She was mimicking Kakashi-Sensei’s usual disappointing expression which resulted in getting a playful smack on the head from him. “Ouch!” She yelped.

Without skipping a beat, Sensei went back to reading.

“He was waiting for you to apologize for what you said earlier, but instead you just completely dismissed his efforts.” Sakura said, pointing her finger at Naruto, mimicking Kakashi-Sensei again. Sensei smacked the girl on the head, this time with the novel.

“Oh come on Kakashi take a joke!” She whined playfully shoving him. Sakura stuck her tongue out at Sensei, then rushed her way back into the tent before Kakashi-Sensei could even attempt to discipline her.

“That girl…” Kakashi-Sensei whispered to himself. “I’ll deal with her later.” Naruto swayed side to side, nervous by what his Sensei was going to say to him. Slowly, he closed his book, then placed his hand on top of Naruto head, doing the usual hair ruffling he always did to him, then smiled. Naruto tilted his head in confusion.

“What?”

”The sooner you’re honest about your feeling the easier it’ll be kid.”

“What are you talking about? And what do you mean ‘kid’? I’m not your little brother or something so stop coddling me!” Naruto fumed slapping Kakashi-Sensei’s hand away.

A loud roar erupted from his mouth, leaving Naruto with cold skin. For a second, the boy turned pale, unsure as to how to react, and then eventually, realized for the first time ever, Sensei was laughing.

“Hey! The hell's so funny?”

Kakashi-Sensei’s laughter grew even louder. So loud, even the tree’s were shaking. Wind blowing aggressively as if it were yelling at them to keep it down. Sensei wiped the tears that brimmed his eyes, clenching his stomach as if it were a baby. Slowly the storm came to a calm.

“I guess you’re right Naruto.” He said, straining to hold back a few last giggles. A slack expression colored the boy’s face. Kakashi-Sensei got up from where he sat, patting the boy’s head one last time, then made his way inside the tent, leaving Naruto all alone in confusion and thought.

 

* * *

 

“Why don’t you cut your hair?”

Naruto watched as Sakura’s shaking hands made its way around her throat. As if she were trying to stop something from coming out. “Naruto I don’t feel like talking about it.” Her words, stammering. A line formed between the boys brow. Why was she being so over-dramatic over hair? Ignoring the girls obvious discomfort, the boy pursued.

“You’re always tying it up. If it's such a hassle why not just cut it?”

Sakura’s stare grew distant and slowly an empty smile colored the girls face. “To be pretty.”

“Why do you have to be pr-”

Kakashi-Sensei placed his index finger on his lips, insisting for Naruto to stop talking. “You talk too much Naruto.” Kakashi-Sensei chirped, turning Naruto’s head in the direction of the mission. “Watch where you’re walking too. You could get hurt.” Kakashi-Sensei flashed a chilling smile, daring for the boy to protest.

“What did I do wrong?” Naruto croaked as Sensei began to drag him ahead of the other two by his backpack. Naruto’s feet dragged along the rough graveled ground and his hand, wrapped around the Sensei’s wrist in desperation to get him to let go.

“Stop involving yourself with people's personal business.” Kakashi-Sensei chided, still dragging them so far, the two wouldn’t be able to hear what they were discussing.

“All I asked was why she wouldn’t cut hair! Everyone's always getting so mad at me for no reason all the time and I’m sick of it!” Naruto barked, finally ripping Sensei’s grip around his backpack and stopping in his tracks. The boy stomped his foot in anger, determined to get an answer.

“You lack empathy.”

“The hell is that suppose to mean?” Naruto fumed.

“ _Stop trying to create bonds of trauma._ ”

The boy's opened mouth closed shut. His throat, full. Silence fell between the two until eventually, Naruto had the courage to speak up. “That's not what I was...”  Naruto vacillated, his words drifting into a bottomless pit.

Kakashi-Sensei crouched down, looking the boy straight in the eyes.

“I understand you’ve been through a lot Naruto. We’ve all have, but forcing people to open up about repressed memories isn’t the way to create bonds."

He was speechless, unsure how to reply to Kakashi-Sensei’s accusation, because deep down, he knew he was right.

“Okay.” Was all Naruto could say.


	6. a promise, a star

**Sasuke**

“Shit, shit, shit, shit!” Quickly, Naruto pulled out the kunai that laid within his pouch. Sakura’s brows dug deep into her eye’s, sweat pouring down the child's face.

The blood of Kakashi-Sensei was splattered all over the gravel ground. It turned a dark brown color, mixing with dirt. Sasuke felt lightheaded. Every thump that erupted in the boys ears was so loud, it felt as if it was squeezing his brain until eventually, it would pop.

“Kakas—” A terrified gasp escaped Sakura’s mouth. Her determined look instantly melting and forming into one more fearful. Sasuke didn’t have it in him to take a quick glance at what had become of their Sensei.

_Is he dead? He can’t be._

“Damn it!” Sakura bared her teeth in frustration, then turned her glance to Sasuke. “Sasuke protect Tazuna! Naruto and I will fight them off!” She launched herself towards the two masked men. Naruto, hesitant, but still giving it his all.

Sasuke watched as the two bravely fought. However, no matter how many times they punched, and pushed, they were always given the short end of the stick. In fact, to Sasuke’s perspective, it looked as if though they were toying with them. Were these masked ninjas going to kill him and his team? Would he be forced to watch those he cared about get slaughtered just as he saw Kakashi-Sensei and his entire clan?

_Stop._

Sasuke clenched his fist so tightly, his nails dug its way into his palm, reopening the wound Kakashi-Sensei inflicted onto him days before. He hoped the pain would distract himself from the horrific and repressed memories that attempted to seep its way up to the surface of his mind, but it was useless. Sasuke felt nothing. His mind was too much in a state of panic to realize the physical pain he was enduring. His grip grew tighter, blood flowing down his palm and into the cracks of the dried dirt below him.

_Calm down dammit!_

Sasuke’s vision began to grow disfigured, panic flushing throughout the boys entire body, drowning him. His breath and body shook violently. A stream of worry trailed around him. Repressed memories as thick as moonlight carved itself into his mind's eye. The blood, the cries, the sound of his brother laughing at him, telling him he was weak.

 _Stop it._ This time, as if he were begging his mind.

A lump rose in the Sasuke’s throat and his chest felt as if it were tightly tied with sharp bob wires. He had to get away. Somewhere. Far. Anywhere. Sasuke tried to move his legs, but he couldn’t. They felt heavy, fragile and weak all at the same, making it impossible for him to move without shaking in complete jerk-like movements. He was terrified. He felt weak.

_“You’re weak.”_

Sasuke clasped his ears and closed his eyes in attempt to avoid the sound and visions of his brother that displayed itself in front of him. Warm tears began to flow rapidly down his cheeks. Air was abandoning him and slowly he found himself falling into a bottomless pit.

This was hell.

A warm and firm grip wrapped itself around Sasuke’s shaking shoulder causing him to flinch.

This was it for him. His friend’s, his Sensei, everyone he ever cared for was dead, because he was weak.

“Stay away!” He shouted.

_“Sasuke!”_

The Uchiha’s eyes immediately flew opened. The voice of his Sensei completely grounding him.

“Sasuke.” This time, Sensei’s tone was much softer. A whisper. “I’m fine. It was just a shadow clone.”

Kakashi-Sensei rubbed the boy’s back in attempt to comfort him. Calming wrapped its way around Sasuke’s entire body like a warm blanket. The cold water that clogged his ears and blurred his vision were now gone. It was quiet and only the sound of Sasuke’s panicking breath slowly merging into the same rhythm of Kakashi-Sensei’s, were what echoed throughout the forest.

“It’s okay.” Kakashi-Sensei whispered gently. “They’re gone now.”

Sasuke’s finger’s wrapped itself around his throat, desperately trying to gain his breathing again.

“It’s okay.”

 _They must think I’m so weak._ He thought to himself. _I’m pathetic._

Aggressively, the child wiped his tears until the flesh under them grew raw.

 _Damn it._ He cursed himself. _Damn it, damn it, damn it!_

While Sasuke was too busy shaking like a hairless dog, his entire team were bravely fighting and giving it their all. He glanced at his palm, blood still gushing from the wound. He thought back at what Kakashi-Sensei had said.

_“In the ninja world, those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.”_

Yet he abandoned them.

“I’m...sorry.” His words, stammering from his lack of oxygen. He forced his eyes to stay open in attempt to not blink the tears down his face.

Getting up from where he laid, Sasuke dusted himself off and began walking ahead of the three, not bothering to look at what kind of reaction was painted on each of their faces.

_Damn it._

“Sasuke?” Sakura’s tone was soft, as if, if she were to speak any louder, Sasuke would crumble. “Maybe we should take a bre—”

“I’m fine.” He lied, his voice not as convincing as he hoped it would be.  

“But Sasuk—”

“I said I’m fine.” Sasuke placed his shaking and bleeding hands into his pocket. Taking in a deep breath in hopes it would flush out any worry that still stained his mind

 _I’m fine._ He thought to himself, hoping he could eventually convince the demons that terrorized his brain.

_I’m fine._

* * *

 

“I can't wait for this mission to be over!” Naruto exclaimed, taking another bite of his burnt fish. Kakashi-Sensei gestured for Sasuke to take one too, but immediately the boy declined. He feared if he ate anything, it would just come right back out.

“Sasuke you haven't eaten all day.” Kakashi-Sensei waved the burnt fish kebab under Sasuke’s nose. Instantly, he was welcomed with the strong scent of sizzling meat. It smelled delicious and the hungry cries of his stomach were slowly starting to become overbearing.

_One bite wouldn’t hurt._

He looked down at the fish.

“It’s still warm.” Sensei cajoled.

The creatures lifeless eyes stared into Sasuke’s, reminding him of the eyes of his parents, friends, cousins, neighbor— “Come on. I know you want some.”

A pool of warmth swirled in the Uchiha’s mouth and his stomach churned. Instantly, he clasped his lips in attempt to help push up whatever that was planning to come out. A gagging sound escaped him, causing a draw of attention from the three, including Tazuna.

Silence fell on them all.

“Don’t push yourself too hard kid.” Tazuna said, a look of burden shown on his face.

Sasuke’s mission was to make Tazuna feel safe, yet here he was, comforting _him_.

“I’m not pushing myself. I’m just not hungry.”

Naruto stuck his tongue out and puckered his lips, letting out a fart sound in between them. “I smell bullshit.” He said, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “There’s nothing wrong with being weak.” Even though Naruto’s words were not in attempt to infuriate the boy, anger still snapped in Sasuke like a twig. Frustrated, he grabbed the fish from out the stick Sensei held and began forcibly shoving it down his throat. Shocked and speechless, the four watched.

“Sasuke...you don’t have to—” Before Sakura could finish her words of comfort Sasuke began to chew louder, hoping to muzzle her concerned words.

Tears brimmed the corners of Sasuke’s eyes and his armpits grew prickly. His throat, full.

_Keep it in, dammit._

“See,” He cringed. “I’m fine.”

Naruto shrugged, then grabbed another fish from under the fire. “Don't force yourself if you're really not hungry cause that just means more for me!”

Sakura smacked Naruto’s head in response to his unconcerned words. “Sasuke needs to eat too!” She scolded. Sasuke clenched every muscle in his body in attempt to keep himself from throwing up. Sweat now covering his forehead.

_Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in._

“Sasuke you alright? You don’t look so good.” Sakura tilted her head at him, her eyebrow lifted.

_Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in._

“I’m fine.”

_Keep it in. Keep it in. Keep it in._

_“_ But your face is so pal-”

“I said I’m fine!” Taking his sudden rage as an opportunity to run inside his tent, Sasuke spewed out every drop of fish into his backpack.

“Damn it.” Sasuke ruffled his hair in frustration. His brothers words still haunting his mind. “I really am weak.”

 

* * *

 

“Mind if I come in?”

“Yes.”

Sakura’s smile immediately dropped. Anger sizzling in her eyes. “Well deal with it.”

She sat next to the annoyed boy on the camping bed, hanging on the edge. “Scoot over.” She said, shoving him playfully.

“No.”

Veins popped on the child's forehead, her eyes narrowing. “Scoot. Over.” This time, it wasn’t a suggestion, but a command. In fear, Sasuke immediately moved over, giving the girl some space.

Sakura exhaled deeply, drumming her fingers against Sasuke's camp bed.

A warm smile painted across her face, as if the hostility that occurred two seconds ago never existed. “You know, before we became shinobi's, I use to dream about my first mission with my future teammates. Even though my dad was always against me having friend’s, I couldn’t help it.” It was completely silent, and only Sakura’s soft words were what echoed throughout the forest. That, and the sounds of crickets chirping.

Sasuke didn’t know what to think. Was Sakura insisting he was her friend? Even after all the rude things he’s said to her? And if that was the case was she calling Sasuke her friend or was she calling Sasuke _Uchiha_ her friend. The power in his blood and his clan. Or was she just interested in his ‘looks’ like most kids his age.

Sasuke’s head began to ache.

_I don’t have time for this._

“What do you want?”

“I thought maybe you’d need help bandaging your palm.” She grabbed onto the bandage wrap that laid on the camp bed next to him, then grabbed onto Sasuke’s hand, causing the boy to burn a bright red.

“What are you doing?” He said, using his other hand to scratch the back of his head.

“Don’t tell me I’m making you nervous.” She teased, cleaning the wound.

“Fuck off.”

Sakura’s sudden hand grab took the boy off guard. Especially when physical touch was something Sasuke was not use to. However, that didn’t distract Sasuke from the fact that Sakura wasn’t answering his question. Snatching his hand away from her grip, Sasuke pouted his lip, angered.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Sakura sighed deeply, throwing the bandage at him. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing.”

She crossed her arms. “Fine. Okay, let's say there's something...hypothetically going on with you.”

“Hypothetically?”

“Yes. What would that hypothetical thing be?”

Sasuke looked deep within himself. He grabbed onto his repressed trauma that laid in the back of his mind and pulled it out until it was right in front of him. His stomach churning and his eyes watering, Sasuke took in a deep breath of air, then anxiously swallowed it.

_Hypothetically._

“My clan…” Sakura nodded her head, showing she was listening to every single word that came out from his mouth. This made Sasuke feel safe, _heard._  “no my family...friends, neighbors were—” A lump arose in Sasuke’s throat. Clasping his mouth the boy swallowed it down, then started again. “I feel weak. Scared...hypothetically.” Sasuke’s warm tears itched his eyes and before they could fall down his cheeks, the boy immediately wiped them raw.

“There’s nothing wrong with admitting weakness.” Sakura said, wrapping his hand again with the bandage. Sasuke grew frustrated, causing him to jump up from where he sat.

“You don’t understand, I _can’t_ be weak!”

“Admitting weakness is the first step to getting stronger as a team.” Sakura said, trying her best to cool the boy down. “We fill in for each other's weaknesses. Why else do you think we're put in groups for missions?”

Sasuke scoffed.

“Will my team help me kill my brother?” Sakura froze, her eyes widened.

“I didn’t think so.” He spat, sitting back down on the camp bed.

Sakura looked ahead, away from Sasuke’s gaze. As if she were really considering killing his horrible brother with him.

“What?”

“Nothing its just...I don’t know if we’d help you, but you can’t expect us to if you keep treating us like shit.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sasuke began picking at his wound again, trying to avoid eye contact with the girl.

“No you know exactly what i'm talking about.” She stood up, towering the boy. “Anytime Naruto says something it’s always ‘jinchuuriki’ this or ‘fox’ that and I know for a fact you don't actually care about those things.”

“The hell are you applying?”

“I think you’re mean to me and Naruto because you’re _scared_.” She huffed, hands on her hips.

Sasuke almost busted into laughter at the ridiculous accusation, but his face remained stone cold.

“Scared of what exactly.” He mocked.

“Being our friend would mean accepting you’re just like us and that makes you feel weak! You hate us because you hate yourself!”

Sasuke’s entire body tensed up, his teeth gritted.

“I am _nothing_ like you or that idiot!” He raged, getting up from where he sat.

“Yes you are! People look at you differently because of who you are—” She pointed at the Uchiha crest painted on the back of his attire. “What’s inside you—” Then the blood that dripped from his opened wound. “and you’re alone! You’re exactly like us and until you admit that you’re just going to continue being a bitter loner!”

Silence.

Rage pulsed through Sasuke veins, until eventually, he couldn’t keep it in anymore or he’d fear his head would explode.

“So what? I admit i’m weak! I admit i'm alone and pathetic just like the two of and then what? Do i just wallow in my sadness?”

“Well for starters, you won’t be alone anymore.” A faint whisper slid it’s way into the tent. The two turned their heads, face burning and heavy breathing from the passionate screams that occurred a few seconds ago.

Sasuke looked at the tent entrance. He watched as the shadow of a small boy squirmed nervously behind the flapping entrance. Was Naruto scared of him? This entire time Sasuke has been lashing out at them in attempt to comfort himself, yet here they were, being nice him. Carefully trying to not step on a landmine with every conversation they started with him.

Sasuke sighed, the anger on his face washing off. Slowly he walked towards the tent entrance, pulling the flap over. Naruto stood there, his posture stooped and his cheeks flushed. He fiddled with his hands, avoiding eye contact with the Uchiha.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, then grabbed onto the boy’s hand, pulling him inside the tent and shoving him onto the camp bed where Sasuke once sat.

He eyed Naruto, ignoring how the boy’s skin slowly burned deeper.

“The hell are you looking at?” Naruto fumbled.

Sakura was right. No matter how much Sasuke hated how right she was, she was right.

“I’m...sorry for being so mean to you all the time. You don’t deserve the mistreatment I’ve been giving you.” He said looking away, his lips pouted and ruffling his hair. “Especially when you’re so nice to me all the time.” Sasuke wondered what kind of expression Naruto was giving at that moment. Was he angry? Annoyed? Maybe happy?

_I wonder what kind face he makes when he’s really happy._

“Naruto are you alright? Your face is really red.”

Sasuke turned his head to look at the boy in curiosity due to Sakura’s sudden concerning words.

The Uchiha’s body stiffened. Naruto’s face was as red as the blood that dripped from Sasuke’s palm. His hands scrambled in attempt to cover every inch of his burning face and his eyes glued to the ground.

“Why would you say that?” He yelled.

“What do you mean why would I say that? I’m just trying to be nice!” Sasuke yelled back.

Naruto turned his head away, his hands in Sasuke view, blocking his face. “I’m sorry too then!”

Sasuke’s heart squeezed. “Okay!”

“Right then!”

Silence.

“What about me?” Sakura’s voice made the two jump. They’ve completely forgotten she was still there. 

She crossed her arms, her brow lifted, waiting for the boy to speak.

“I’m sorry for not treating you like an equal, Sakura.” He sighed. Sasuke reached out his hand to her patiently waiting for her to clasp it.

A wide smile shone on her face. “It’s all good. Don’t worry about it.” She beamed, pulling him in.

“Hey how come you said her name, but not mine?” Naruto complained, pointing his finger at Sasuke.

“The hell does it matter?”

Naruto tilted his head, his eyes drooping mimicking a sad puppy.

Sasuke’s chest tightened, forcing him to comply.

“Fine…” He grumbled, crossing his arms and looking away. “I’m sorry... _Naruto_.”

For a second, there was complete silence.

“Why did you say that?” Naruto fumed, his face and neck completely red.

“You’re the one who asked me to!”

Sakura exhaled deeply, then sat down onto the camp bed. “Jeez, you guys suck at having normal conversations.” 

She was right. He couldn't help it. Sasuke's feelings for Naruto has always been very confusing to him and it's something the Uchiha feels he never wants to address or admit. However, what the Sasuke does know was he valued Naruto and because of how much he values him, its hard for him to form a proper conversations without messy emotions flying everywhere.

Sasuke ruffled his hair, than sat down next to Naruto, barely able to make eye contact with him. He watched as Sakura began to tie up her hair again. “It’s always getting undone.” She muttered to herself.

“Then cut it.”

Sakura’s eyes widen, her pink ribbon in her mouth and her hands in her hair.

“I can’t.”

“You can.”

“Sasuke!” Naruto shoved the boys shoulder, his cheeks puffed in frustration. “It’s none of your business what she does with her hair.” He huffed.

Sasuke remembered the conversation that Naruto and her had a day ago. Sakura was obviously uncomfortable when it came to topics revolving her appearance. Yet that day, Naruto didn’t seem to care. So why was he caring now? Did Kakashi-Sensei say something to him? Whatever the reason, Sasuke wasn’t trying to ask her about her hair to make her uncomfortable, he was trying to help her. Like how she had just helped him.

 _I’m not in the position to owe people._ He thought to himself.

“It's fine Naruto.” Sakura’s grip around her hair dropped and her hair fell perfectly onto her shoulders. If she was keeping her hair long for the sake of being pretty, then her hair must be magical, because even Sasuke couldn’t deny how beautiful Sakura was.

“I keep it long just in case.”

“In case for what?” Naruto leaned in closer to Sakura, his curiosity overpowering his concern.

“My father―” Sakura took in a deep breath, resting her hand on her chest. “As everyone knows, my clan doesn’t really have a good reputation. Everyone considers us weak, including the hokage.” Sakura bit her bottom lip, her eye's glued to the ground. “Everyone in the village must be useful, but because of how weak my clan is the hokage and everyone in it doesn’t find a use for us.” Sakura looked up at Sasuke. “To be honest, for a while I resented you because I was jealous of how powerful your clan... _was._ I’m sorry.”

He nodded his head, not saying a word so he could let Sakura finish. Giving her the same attentiveness she gave him. 

"The hokage decided to give us two options. Either clean up the Haruno clan and marry someone with a powerful bloodline, or become strong somehow. My father told me that―” Sakura’s words started to grow breathy, tears brimming her eye’s. She kept a strong face, but eventually her expression fell into complete shambles. Sasuke watched as Sakura's tears sluggishly leaked out from her eyes. He had never wanted to hurt someone he's never met as badly as he did then. “That...that I look prettier with my hair long. That I must stay pretty just in case I fail. I have to find a strong man to marry.”

“Your father is an idiot.”

“Yeah! Making his daughter find a guy ‘cause he’s too ugly to find someone to marry himself!” Naruto’s cheeks puffed, his arms crossed. ”Sakura you’re one of the strongest ninja’s I know! And you’re smart!”

Sakura nodded her head, still rubbing at the tears that flowed down her cheeks and barely able to let out any words due to her sobbing.

Sasuke fiddled his fingers, unsure how to comfort or stop the poor girl from crying. He only knew how to anger his friends.

“Naruto’s right. Besides, you’re still ugly with long hair—” Sakura’s tears immediately stopped flowing and anger engraved her stare. "and you’re probably going to be ugly with short hair too.”

“The hell are you saying?” Sakura’s fist tightened and her teeth gritted. Even Naruto was leaning in closer to the Uchiha, daring him to say another wrong word.

“I’m saying, at the end of the day, if you’re still going to be ugly, there’s no point in keeping it long. Just do whatever you want and stop worrying about other people or what they want.” The anger that roared in Sakura’s eyes slowly burnt out. To confusion, then a sudden smile not reaching her eyes. Sakura laughed.

“Yeah I guess you’re right, huh?” She snorted, wiping her tears, barely holding in a few last giggles.

A small smile itched on Sasuke’s face.

“I’m still going to keep it long though.” She smiled, sadness bordering her words.

“Yeah...I know.” Sasuke wished he could do something to help her, but he realized this wasn’t his choice or mission to take. This was something Sakura had to figure out on her own. It wasn’t his job to paint all their repressed trauma with kind words. After all, if someone ever tried to convince him how to deal with his, Sasuke would lose it.

“I’m sorry too Sakura. I pushed you to talk about something you didn’t want to think about earlier and if it wasn’t for Kakashi-Sensei interfering...” Naruto’s words trailed off, nervously he played with his fingers.

Sakura ruffled Naruto’s hair, smiling at him warmly, then suddenly, pulling onto his ear causing the boy to yelp in pain.

“You better be!” She gritted with an anger filled smile.

A small chuckle escaped the Uchiha’s mouth. Seeing Sakura and Naruto bicker reminded him of how his mother would discipline him. Sadness numbed Sasuke's chest. 

_Will I lose them too?_

If Sasuke could just sit in this moment forever, he would. He closed his eye's praying and hoping there was a god out there, listening to his cries of desperation. That his only family, wouldn't be taken away from him again. That his happiness, wouldn't die out like it did the night of his clans killing. If he was going to let these people into his heart, he had to be promised that nothing bad was ever going to happen to them.

Before things could get any more violent, Kakashi-Sensei poked his head through the tent flap.

“Isn’t it too late for the three of you to be bickering.”

“Kakashi!” Sakura gasped, then clasped her mouth. “Sensei…!” She corrected herself.

At first, it was silent, and then, a roar of laughter escaping the three filled the air.

Before silence could cut the atmosphere again, Naruto placed his arm around both Sasuke and Sakura. He smiled, his teeth shining like pearls and it was so wide, even Naruto’s eyes was graced with light. It was too bright for Sasuke to handle and the Uchiha couldn’t help, but clench his shirt exactly where his heart would be.

 _Cute._ He thought to himself.

Naruto pulled the two in closer, hugging them, causing Sasuke’s glance to shift. Nervously, he bit on his lips, stopping himself from saying anything mean to get himself out of the heart wrenching situation.

“Look at you three. Behaving like a family.” Kakashi-Sensei beamed. Proudly his eye smiled.

Sakura and Naruto snickered. Sasuke pursed his lips, his cheeks a bright pink.

“Yeah...I guess.”

“Aw, Sasuke’s shy!” Sakura teased.

“I am not shy!” 

Kakashi-Sensei grabbed the two's ears, dragging them out the tent and into the dark forest. "What are y―" Any ounce of anger that hanged on Sakura's face immediately dropped. Her mouth agape and her eye's sparkling in awe. "Wow!" She beamed, her hair being brushed by the sudden breeze.

It was beautiful. Sasuke had seen a starry night sky before, but something about this was different. It erupted a feeling of joy in him, so much, he felt like crying and laughing all at once. Was it because he was seeing it with his friends and not alone? It shined vibrantly, illuminating the night and reflecting the unobtainable feeling in Sasuke's chest. The sky was a midnight blue, and each star was like glitter made by the heavens.

"Look! A shooting star!" Naruto gushed. "What do you think it means?" His eye's were as round as the moon. Stars shining brightly in them and cheeks puffed up in excitement. 

Sasuke looked up at the sky, watching the shooting star race violently, bringing light onto the blanket night.

Was this his promise?

A small smile painted across Sasuke's face. His heart, full.

"I don't know, but it's beautiful. Isn't it?" 

"Yeah." Naruto whispered. His voice, fragile.

The Uchiha turned his head, looking at the boy and realizing, he wasn't looking at the sky too, but at him. Naruto's entire face burned red. "The sky! So pretty!" He spluttered, laughing nervously and waving his hands around. 

A soft laughter erupted in Sasuke's chest, until eventually, he couldn't hold it in any longer. Naruto looked down, shuffling his weight from one foot to the other. He just looked so cute and ridiculous, Sasuke couldn't help, but laugh.

"Yeah." He chortled, holding onto his stomach due to the intense laughter. "The sky."

As the feeling of happiness began to sink into the Uchiha's chest—in what seemed like forever—Sasuke welcomed it.


	7. Name

 

**Sakura**

Bandages wrapped around the man's mouth covering a ghoulish smile Sakura felt was hidden behind it. His horrible posture caused his arms to hang low, imitating a tarantula due to the obviously heavy sword that rested on his shoulder. However, what really terrified the girl was his defined muscles and scars that painted the scary fellow’s arms. He tilted his head, burning his bloodshot and murderous eyes into Sakura, daring her to try and attack him.

“Protect the bridge builder!” Kakashi commanded, lifting his headband revealing his blood red eye with what seemed like black commas surrounding the iris.

 _Is Kakashi from a special clan too?_ No, there was a jagged scar that went down his eye. The eye was stolen.

Sakura grabbed onto the kunai that laid within her pouch, the three doing the same, and surrounded Tazuna. Their attention never leaving the mysterious man.

In a wink, the man immediately disappeared from where he stood, reappearing, standing on the lake of water in front of them. Sakura’s armpits grew prickly. Her hands shook against her kunai. “There!” She yelled.

“I’m on direct orders to stop you from crossing the bridge.” His voice, sinister and low causing the hair on her body to rise like a kiwi. He raised his arm, his fingers signing a jutsu. Waves of water twirled violently around where he stood. Was this because of his chakra? Was the man this strong?

“Ninja art, hidden mist jutsu.”

A vast blanket of a ghost grey mist blinded the shinobi’s. So suffocating, Sakura began to breathe heavier. The feeling of vulnerability loomed on her. She felt exposed, watched even.

“I can’t see anything!” Naruto gritted, huddling closer to the two.

“Damn it!” Sasuke spat.

A hallowing sound echoed around them, heavy whispers of exhales tickling the child’s ear. Immediately Sakura turned her head only to be welcomed with a grey cloud.

“What was that?” She gasped, her hands sticky in sweat.

“Eight points,” His graveling voice was nothing more than a whisper, wind in Sakura’s ear. “Larynx, spine, lungs, liver, juglar, subclavian artery, kidneys, _heart._ Now, which will be my kill point?” He spoke slowly, as if he were a starving hound thirsty for blood. Sakura couldn’t tell if the mist was making her cold or if she was just so terrified, the weather heat meant nothing when it came to the killers chilling words.

Sakura has trained for every single situation that could ever break with her father. So much, permanent scars painted the child's back and mind. However, planning and experiencing were two completely different things.

Spit thickened in the child's throat. Sweat dripping down the ledge of her nose. _Where was he going to attack? From behind? No, he doesn’t seem scared to attack from the front. What if he does? I’ll die. I can’t die-_

“Naruto! Sakura! Sasuke!” Kakashi’s voice was sharp, cutting the fear that surrounded them. “Calm down. I’ll protect you all with my life. I will not allow my comrades to die.”  He turned his head and to her surprise, Kakashi-Sensei was smiling. “Trust me.”

* * *

The blood curdling screams of Sakura’s teammates made the girl shake violently. However, Sakura remained glued to where she stood.

_“You listen to your Sensei’s orders, ya’ hear? No matter what.” Kizashi bit into his bread aggressively. Pulling it and ripping it apart. As if he were telling Sakura that was what was going to happen to her if she didn’t._

_“Yes papa.” Sakura whispered, her head lowered in fear._

_“Look at me when I’m talking to you.” He commanded, banging his hand onto the table. Sakura’s gaze immediately shot up to the sudden aggression. Her eyes brimming with tears._

_“The hell are you doing?”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“What did I tell you about crying?”_

_Sakura gulped down the sob that tried to escape her mouth, her fist clenched. “It’s ugly. Only weak people do it.”_

_“That's right. Ain’t nothing to be scared of.”_

“Ain’t nothing to be scared of.” Sakura gritted, holding on to her kunai so tightly, the shaking of her hands came to a calming. She watched as her Sensei gave it his all fighting against Zabuza. The cries of her teams echoed within the ice-like barrier in front of her. She was ordered to protect Tazuna at all cost. Naruto and Sasuke were holding down the masked woman, risking their lives so Sakura wouldn’t have to face one alone. However, she couldn’t help, but feel useless. She so desperately wanted to help, but orders were orders and she had to listen to them. No matter what.

“Those kids. They don’t sound so goo-”

“It’s our mission to protect you Tazuna. So don’t worry about us.” Thinking about their cries would only allow fear to seep its way back into the girl’s mind.

“Well then change of plans. Protect the kids.”

Sakura’s eyes widen. She looked at bridge builder, unsure if he was serious or not. “Tazuna-”

“Don’t worry about me. Besides, who the hell is going to protect me if those two kids are gone?” With those words alone, Sakura rushed her way towards the ice-like dome that was summoned by the mysterious woman. She bit her lip in an attempt to stop the thoughts of doubt and the words of her father from polluting her mind.

The ice was hard to see through. It was like looking through a fishbowl, a disfigured view. However, there was a small space between each wall of glass luckily. Sakura squinted her eyes and moved her head closer to the small gap.

It seemed that Naruto was leaning forward, his face out of Sakura’s view, but that didn’t matter. As long as she knew her teammate was still okay, then that was all that mattered.

_Thank god!_

“Naruto!”

The boy’s head immediately shot up from the sound of Sakura’s cry, revealing a small body curled up in his lap. Was that the woman? Did they defeat her? No, that wouldn’t make sense. Not after hearing those horrific screams. Sakura moved closer to the gap, trying to see who it was.

“No…” The girl clasped her mouth in an attempt to stop the vomit that tried to escape her. _This couldn’t be real. He can’t be._

Sasuke laid lifeless, thick sluggish blood gushing from his body. It flowed slowly, as if he were almost empty and completely drained. Sasuke was either dead or dying.

“Sakura...He’s not-” Naruto gulped, pushing down what Sakura thought was a sob. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know…” His words trailing off and growing incomprehensible. Nothing but sobs and deep breaths.

Sasuke’s lively face echoed in the child's mind. Seeing him now, completely still and holding hands with death made the girl feel dizzy. No, no, no. This can’t be real. She shouldn’t be here. Sakura should have listened to her Sensei and stayed with Tazuna. Just like her father had taught her.

Sakura’s breathing grew rapid, her chest tightened with what felt like knives. Her mind crowded with the memories of Sasuke alive.

Panic as cold as ice water completely drowning her. Somehow, her legs were able to jerk away slowly from the dome. She had to get away. Somewhere. She couldn’t look at him. It. The empty corpse.

Before the girl could have gotten further, a strange eerie feeling polluted the air, coming from where naruto sat. A murderous crimson slowly wrapped itself around the child in the form of thick foam. Sakura face grew sickly pale. Panic taking over her.

Was this the nine tails? Was this the weapon they forced Naruto to use when he was a child? Her father was right, friends, relationships, nothing but a fantasy. A shrine held up for display in mockery of those who aren’t strong enough to protect them. What the hell was she thinking of letting them into her heart in a world of war? Sakura was losing her teammates, one by one. Gone.

_Ino._

Why did she suddenly come to mind? She would be disappointed in her for thinking this way.

 _For her._ Sakura thought to herself selfishly as a small flame lit itself in her. A flood of strength and perseverance washed over the girl. She couldn’t give up now. Maybe later, but not now. She had to save him. If she couldn’t save Sasuke, Sakura had to at least save Naruto.

With everything in her, Sakura clenched her fist and punched the ice.

Nothing. _Again!_ Still nothing. _Again!_ Nothing. Not even a crack. Sasuke’s smile displayed itself in her mind's eye, causing the girls vision to blur due to the tears flowing down her face. “Again!” She sobbed, her hand now bruised and bleeding. The knot in Sakura’s stomach tightened and heavied. Sakura knew if she continued anymore, she could end up breaking her hand, but despite the throbbing pain, the girl continued.

This wasn’t only about saving her friends, this was also about proving her father wrong. Proving everyone wrong. That she wasn’t weak. That having friends, didn’t make her weak. No matter how much her father and the rest of the world made it seem she deserved nothing but dirt, she _at least_ deserved them. Wiping her tears raw, the girl clenched her fist so tight blood flowed between her fingers. She inhaled, ignoring the pain and suddenly, launching her fist with a scream as loud as thunder.

The surface she hit felt softer than before. The girl fell to the ground panting. _Did I break it?_  

“Nice try, kid.” Infront of her stood, blocking her attack, Zabuza.

Sakura gasped, immediately jumping out of his range. There was something different about him. His weight was shifted unevenly and his left arm hung, blood gushing from it. Was that her doing?

“You sure pack a punch.” He grunted.

If Zabuza stood in front of her now, what the hell happened to Kakashi?

“Kakashi!”

“Your Sensei can’t help you.” Was Kakashi dead too? Zabuza began to bandage his injury. “That bastard broke my right arm. I can certainly say the rumors about him are true.” His murderous gaze locked with the girl. “Hopefully, for your sake, your’s isn’t.”

 _Damn it!_ She backed away slowly.

“Don’t tell me you’re planning on running little girl?”

Sakura had no choice. She had to find Kakashi and the bridge builder. Fighting Zabuza was not her mission.

* * *

“Kakashi.” Sakura’s voice was as fragile as a drying rose petal, full of fear.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine after a few stitches.”

“Stitches!”

Kakashi ruffled the child's hair, smiling. “It’s not your fault. I’m proud of you for going after your friends.” If Sakura never disobeyed orders and continued protecting Tazuna, Kakashi wouldn’t have needed to jump in the way of Zabuza’s attack in order to protect Tazuna. It _was_ her fault, but for the sake of not losing focus, the child ceded.

“Okay.” She whimpered, wiping her tears.

“What do we do now? Any minute that devil will attack.” Tazuna fretted.

There was only one choice. No matter how scared the girl was, Sakura had to fight Zabuza off on her own. Kakashi was too beaten up to fight alongside her. “Kakashi, I’ll handle Zabuza.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Tazuna shouted in a whisper.

“What other choice do we have?” Sakura most definitely did not want to fight the bloodthirsty monster on her own, but the girl used everything in her power to keep her fear filled thoughts locked up. “I’ll be fine. From what I saw, Zabuza seems right handed so without his dominant hand it’ll be trickier for him to counter attack. Besides, Kakashi banged him up pretty bad.”

“Still,” Kakashi pulled out a scroll from within his pouch. “You’ll need some help.” He waved his hands so fast, even Tazuna was in complete awe. “Summoning jutsu!” _Poof!_ A cloud of smoke, and then, a gang of dogs all dressed in the same attire of Kakashi-Sensei appeared in front of them. “These are my ninken, my ninja dogs. They will help you.” Blood trickled down Kakashi’s nose. He panted. “I’ve used up all my chakra so be sure to call on them. I’ll be here with Tazuna, protecting him.”

“Wait! Don’t you need a plan first?”

“Shut it Tazuna! Just let us do our job!” Kakashi’s said sternly. “Have faith in the girl.”

Sakura wiped her sweaty palms on her dirty attire, then clenched her fist. A wave of confidence washing over her.

A malevolent chuckle echoed around them.

“You really think a little girl and a couple of dogs can stop me?”

“Sakura!”

* * *

 

“Give up.”

“Never!” She panted, blood trickling down her face. Zabuza lifted his sword, slicing the air causing the blood that stained it to splash against the girls face. He dug his brow into his murderous eyes, rage burning in them. “Fine.” For a second, Sakura could see her own life flash before her eyes. The good and the bad, a melancholy feeling resting in her as Zabuza ran towards her with the speed of light, sword in hand. However, those memories were the perfect excuse to keep going. She held her breath, eyes closed and fist clenched tightly and with everything in her, the girl punched his sword.

A deep hush and a tight tension polluted the area. Sakura’s heart beat, still.

 _Did I get him? Am I dead?_ The child was too scared to open her eyes, until suddenly, the sound of someone gasping caused for them to fly open.

Sakura’s eyes grew wide, and her body, frozen in complete awe at what she was seeing. _Did I do that?_

A jagged crack drew itself down Zabuza’s sword. He stood silently, an expression filled with nothing but confusion and shock. She wanted to sit in this. In awe at what had just happened, but this wasn’t the time to goggle over her surprising strength. This was battle. Every second counted and this was their chance.

“Ninken!”

The second Sakura inhaled, the ninja dogs teeth were already deep into the man's body.

* * *

The speech Naruto gave Zabuza resulting in him surprisingly tearing up made the girls heart weigh heavy. It reminded her of her father, and for some strange reason, made the girl wonder if he too secretly cared for her dearly. Then again, he didn’t seem to care about what happened to her mother.

“You. Girl.”

Sakura’s head immediately jerked up. Everyone waited silently, tension suffocating them all. Sakura watched as Zabuza clenched onto his kunai with his shark-like teeth.

“Yes.” She fretted.

“What’s your name?” Was he acknowledging her? Sakura began to chew on the inside of her cheeks. She’d rather be remembered as the woman who fought bravely, not Sakura _Haruno._

“Are you ashamed of your name?”

Of course she was, but that wasn’t something the girl felt comfortable coming out and admitting. Instead, she remained silent.

“Don’t be. Your name represents where your from. A home.” Zabuza looked up at the sky with a smile Sakura never thought that man was capable of creating. However, his eyes were filled with sorrow. “I never had the luxury of having one.” He whispered to himself. Zabuza turned his head, his eyes meeting hers. “Take _pride_ in it.”

Home. What did that mean? Sakura’s father was far from homely and the four walls that created her small room was nothing, but shelter to her.

Suddenly, a feeling of warmth, for the first time during the battle, blanketed her.

Her mother. That was home.

“My name is-” Water brimmed the girls eyes. A lump in her throat. “Sakura Haruno!”

Before her tears could reach the concrete ground, Zabuza was already half way through the barricade of mobsters.


	8. I'll be good

**Naruto**

_~“Naruto,”_

_“Stay away!”_

_The kyuubi’s graveling voice burned in the boys ears. “That’s not a nice way to treat your old friends.” He cooed, his breath fogging up in the cold cell. The ground beneath Naruto was flooded with lukewarm water. He remembered this place. The pain that came with it. “We were never friends.” Naruto fretted, panic surrounding him in a deep crimson. “You use to love me. I was your best friend. Remember boy?”_

_“No! Because of you, everyone hates me! You’re not my friend!”_

_“How dare you! I was the only one who accepted your pathetic self! I gave you strength!” Naruto flinched from the Kyuubi’s sudden rage. He came closer to the cage, his malevolent eyes burning into the boy. “You can’t live without me. You need me.” Its whisper, nothing but wind in his ear._

_“No…” Naruto cried, moving away from the cage. The kyuubi’s chakra formed into a hand, oozing from the cell and wiping the child's tears. “You’re weak.” His voice, gentle. “You’re teammates death is proof of this.” And with that, the child let him in. ~_

* * *

**[ Before graduation ]**

“Stand up straight!” The scary man lifted his hand, threatening to smack Naruto again. 

“How much for it?” 

“2 million yen.”

“You’re a mad man if you think I have that kind of money on me.” The buyer began to walk away, stomping his feet in anger. 

“It’s the nine tailed fox! That much power should be way more than 2 million and you know it!”

“I don’t want to hear it, Stingy!”

Stingy was what the buyers and everyone always called the monster because of how expensive Naruto was. Even though it wasn't his real name, it brought some sort of comfort to know someone horrific had a silly title. 

“I’m not the stingy one!” Stingy spat, throwing his chair in frustration causing the buyer to lift his finger at him. Stingy grew more angered and threw his cigarette onto the dirt ground. “Oh fuck you!” He raged. “The hell do I look like sellin’ a weapon for a couple of coins?”

As soon as the man was gone, Stingy began to unbuckle his belt aggressively. Tears now flowing down Naruto’s bruised cheeks. He knew exactly what this meant. 

“It’s because of you no one wants to buy from me! Didn’t I tell you to stand up straight?”

_~“No, no, no, no, no!” Naruto ran up to Kurama. Hugging him and tightening his fingers around the nine tails orange locks. ~_

Blood dripped from the ledge of Naruto’s nose. He cried, but the buyer was too far gone to hear him. No, the buyer wouldn’t care. If he did, he would have said something about the fresh purple welts that marked his face so much, it became grotesque looking. 

_~“I’m scared.”_

_“No, you’re weak.” Naruto lifted his head, his face wet from crying. “Then make me strong.”_

_The Kyuubi gently wiped the boys tears, its face scrunched up and obviously frustrated. “No.” ~_

Another lash. This one stung more than the last one. He tried to protect his face with his hands, because any more and the child wouldn’t be able to recognize himself, but that just angered the man even more.

“Are you trying to fight me?” He roared, panting from whipping the child.

“No, I promise. My face just burns.” Naruto’s squeaked. He wouldn’t ever try to defy the monster. Naruto valued his life. 

Stingy let out a roaring laugh that made Naruto’s hair rise, then began dragging the boy back inside the cabin from the collar of his shirt. “I’ll show you burnin’.” He hissed.

_~“Please...” He whispered into the beast's fur._

_“No.”_

_He didn’t understand the nine tails. He never minded trying to convince him to use his power when he lived in Konoha to do bad things, but now that he’s been kidnapped and currently being beaten suddenly it's ‘You’re weak. Figure it out on your own’ wise old man bullshit rhetoric._

_Naruto got up from the embrace of the nine tails, his nostrils flaring, and stomping outside from within the cage. “Fuck you!” He yelped, throwing his shoe at the beast, then lifting his middle finger. The Kyuubi chuckled then rolled his eyes, not even a bit bothered. ”I don’t fear you  little meat sack. Not like the rest of the village.” He teased in a snobbish tone. A cheeky smile tickled the boy’s face. “I know!” He giggled, running up to hug the beast._

_“Get off me!”_

_“You don’t scare me either!” Naruto shouted, then proceeded to roar with a sound of what he felt like, was similar to a lion. However, only a soft baby-like screech was what it reflected. The beast let out a belly laugh, so chest deep, the cage shook and the boy’s ears tingled. ”Pesky human.” ~_

Stingy pulled out a burning iron, lifting it and placing it so close to Naruto’s face, he could feel the warmth kissing against his cheek. “I’ll show you burni-”

The sound of a bird pecking its beak onto the window stopped Stingy in his tracks. _Please distract him._ The boy begged to himself. 

He opened the window and grabbed the messenger bird. Naruto watched as his face went from calm to frustrated, and then, pleased as he read the letter. A heavy rock weighed down in the boys stomach. Stingy smiling was never a good sign.  

“What does it say?” The boy fretted. Stingy wrapped his fingers around Naruto’s throat. It never occurred to him how weak and tiny he was compared to the giant monster. “I’ve finally got myself a buyer!” He said, his smile so wide in joy, his gums were showing. Sweat began to build up on the Naruto's neck in fear he’d snap him two. “Now get in the cage.” No not that. He hated it. 

“Pleas—”

“Don’t  disobey me nine tails.” Stingy gritted between his teeth, his thumb caressing Naruto’s throat.

“But I hate the dark.” He cried, his lip curled. Stingy grabbed onto the boys collar shirt and began dragging him towards the cage.

“No!” Naruto screamed yanking onto the old man's arm.”Let me go!” With everything in him, Naruto sunk his teeth deep into Stingy’s hand. A loud cry escaped the monsters mouth and in anger, he threw the child across the room, hitting his head against the wall. A loud thud echoed within the cabin, and then dizziness. 

“No…” He whispered as darkness blurred his vision.

* * *

Naruto’s head thumped and ached. He opened his eyes slowly only to be welcomed with nothing, but darkness. Nervously he glanced around where he laid. Still nothing. Panic shot inside the boy’s body like a snapping twig. _No, no, no, no, no!_ Blood pounded in the child's ears and his body shook violently. A cold wrapping around him. The knot in his chest growing tighter.

 _~“Calm down will you! I’m trying to sleep!” ~ The_  kyuubi’s roars were so loud, Naruto had to stop himself from tugging on his ears.

“I’m scared. Help me.” The boy cried, his tears dripping onto the cage floor. 

_The kyuubi inhaled deeply then moved himself closer to the cage where Naruto stood kicking the water below him in shame._

_~“Very well," He sighed. " just stop crying.”~_ Naruto rubbed his face of tears until it burned and wiped his snot with his beaten up shirt. _“Okay.”_

_~“Look. Listen. Smell. Touch. Use your senses. Figure out where you are.”~_

He turned left, then right, and then looked up, but only darkness surrounded him. Naruto closed his eyes, trying to listen for anything. He heard birds chirping in the distance, the feeling of being rocked back and forth, and the smell of dirt hugged his nose. He traced his fingers along the edges of the small space Stingy had locked him in.

Naruto was in a cage in the back of a horse carriage. 

_~“I’m in a horse carriage!” He shouted, running up to hug the beast only to be rejected._

_“You shouldn’t be celebrating just yet.” Naruto lifted his brow at him. “When the carriage stops, and they open your cage, I’ll give you my chakra to help escape.”_

_“I can do that!” The boy huffed, attempting to flex his tiny arms. ~_

He jumped up in excitement from the sudden plan, but a hard surface knocked the boy right back down. “Ouch!” He shouted.

“Is someone there?” A small disembodied voice tickled Naruto’s ears. “Hello?” The person sounded as if though he was at the verge of tears. Naruto remained silent in fear of who the stranger was. 

 _~“Answer them.”_ The kyuubi commanded gravelly. _Naruto looked at nine tails, his eyes begging him not to make him, but the fox remained cold stone._

_“Ugh. Fine.”~_

“Who are you?” Naruto whispered.

“My…” The sound of someone sniffing. “Name is Gaara.”

“Gaara?”

“Yes. What about you?” His voice, brittle.

“I’m Naruto!” He beamed. “Naruto Uzumaki!”

Nothing.

Silence welcomed the two and Naruto began to sink back into fear again. He had to distract himself or else all his energy would be wasted on him trying to calm himself rather than storing it for when the carriage stops. 

“Gaara huh?” Naruto fumbled, trying to start a conversation.

Silence, then the sound of someone crying again.

“Did they take you from your home too?” Home? Naruto never had one. He lived in the streets of Konoha since birth with the assistance of the nine tails due to his lack of money. No one would dare adopt someone like him and no one cared enough to even notice. Naruto’s eyes shifted towards the ground, his chest going numb.

“I don’t have a home. No place to go back to.” He whispered.

“I guess I don’t have one either.” Gaara’s voice was bordered with sadness. 

He must be just like him. Alone, kidnapped and forced into the wars and political debates of the villages they lived in. For a second, the boy felt happy. Finally being able to find someone who was just like him, someone who understood him, but then the carriage stopped and panic snapped itself back into Naruto.

This was it. This was Naruto’s chance.

* * *

Anger burned in the boy’s eyes. The purple blooms along his arms and face were a hue of yellow and purple, thumping in pain. Tears flooded down the child's face and the warmth from it seemed to soothe the bruises on his cheeks. Naruto felt weak, alone, and desperately wanted to go home, but the child didn’t have a home. No matter where he went, this was how the world would always treat him. 

_~“Stop crying boy. You’re disrupting my sleep.”~_

Hiccups and tiny sobs erupted from Naruto’s chest. He clasped his mouth trying to stop it from escaping him. 

_~“You need to be strong.”~_

Kurama was right. Crying wouldn’t bring the child anything, but more beatings. Naruto yanked the rope that hugged tightly around his wrists. Too tight and thick to break. 

“Stop moving around so much. You’ll get us both in trouble.” Gaara whispered, his body shivering. Both their hands were tied and were forced to wait patiently for the possible buyer on the cold night. Naruto hated the cold, but he’d rather be cold than sitting in the dark cage.

“There he is!” Stingy chirped waving for the two men to get closer. One had purple hair, his eye’s dark with rage. The other looked familiar. He was tall, his hair in a tight ponytail and a long scar ran across his face from ear to ear. Naruto’s eyes widened and his heart galloped. 

“Iruka sense-” Iruka immediately placed his finger on his lips, gesturing for the boy to hush. Naruto hadn’t seen him in a months ever since the Hokage sent him on a far away mission. He remembered how Iruka would take care of him. He always made sure to feed, let him sleep on his couch, but the two never got as close enough for the child to call him ‘father’. There was a line. A line that made him different from the rest of the Konoha citizen no matter how much Iruka pretended not to see it, it was still there.  

“What did I tell you about keeping your mouth shut?” Stingy hissed, lifting his hand, threatening to beat the boy again.

“How much for the boy with the whiskers?”

“2 million yen.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Iruka-Sensei ruffled his hair, then sighed deeply. “Fine.” 

“Wait, please mister what about me?” Gaara’s eyes began to water. He fell to his knees hands up and begging. “Please don’t leave me here too.”

Iruka-Sensei eyed the Gaara. Pity weighing in his glare. He stretched his hands to grab the child, but the other man with him immediately stopped him.

“Are you insane?” He fretted. “Having one jinchuurki in our village is already a lot to handle!”

“I’ll be the one to handle them then.”

“You’re not in a position to be making that statement.”

Iruka looked at Gaara, his body straining itself not to save him. His eyes, turning glass-like from tears. Iruka-Sensei looked away from the him.

“I’m sorry kid.”

“No! I won’t go unless you take him too!” Naruto cried. Gaara was his first and only friend, the only one he felt ever understood him. 

“Naruto!” Iruka-Sensei began to yank on the rope that tightly hugged itself around the boy’s wrists. 

“But—”

“Didn’t you hear him nine tails? He said no!” The lavender haired man lifted his hand to smack the him, but Iruka-Sensei’s hands were already tightened around the man’s wrist.

“The hell do you think you’re doing?” He gritted, grabbing onto his collar.

“Please don’t fight.” Gaara fretted softly with a fragile smile. He walked closer to the two men and with each step, fear painted his face. “Please.” Gaara wrapped his fingers around his wrist, looking up at him with innocence and desperation.

Immediately, he shoved the child to the ground in complete horror, smoldered with resentment.

“Get the hell away from me you monster!” He shuddered. 

Naruto turned to look at Iruka to say something, but even he looked fearful.

A child. They were scared of a child.

_They’re scared of me._

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“Disgusting freak! You think anyone would want to buy you? You have no right touching me!”  

“Mizuki!” Gaara laid where he stood, tears dripping onto the dirt ground. 

“No wonder your family sold you! Bastard can’t keep his hands to himself!”

“Thats enough!” Iruka grabbed onto Mizuki’s collar again, but this time with more aggression. 

The wind caught, swirling around where Gaara stood until it was no longer wind, but sand. Slowly he lifted his head and the rage that burned deep within his eyes terrified them all. His eyes were no longer innocent and that was no longer Gaara. Naruto’s muscles tensed. 

“I’m the monster?” Gaara gritted, his palms so tight, blood flowed between his fingers. 

Was this what they feared? Was that the monster?

In a single blink, the sand that swirled around the jinchuuriki, violently pierced through Mizuki’s chest. His eyes slowly shifting and looking into nothing, but death. 

An empty corpse. Lifeless. Missing. 

And then blood. Blood, crying, screaming. Warm spit swirling in Naruto’s mouth. Stingy running up to stop the monster and then, more blood. More crying. Screaming. Sound growing muffled, vision blurring like the lenses of a strangers glasses. Was that tears that wet the boy’s face or blood? Naruto didn’t know. His stomach hurt too much to think. Naruto’s heart pumped so quickly, his head felt like it would pop. Dizziness weighing on him. His breath catching up from between his lips so loudly and quickly, Naruto was sure Iruka could hear it. His skin sticky with sweat. Warmth making its way up his stomach. He was going to vomit. 

“Naruto lets g—”

“I can’t move.” Naruto whispered his eyes wide and unable to blink. 

Iruka-Sensei picked up the traumatized child and ran. Naruto watched Gaara, frozen in Iruka's arms as he ran desperately away. He watched as the hate and rage that burned so furiously in Gaara’s eyes slowly go to a calming, and then, tears. 

“I’m so sorry.” Gaara cried, covered in blood of those who once surrounded him. “I’m so sorry.” 

 It was as if that were not the actions of his friend, but the devil. He was possessed by evil.

Ever since that night, Naruto swore he could still hear the cries of that boy, and the guilt for leaving him behind alone still lingered heavily, fresh like it was yesterday.

* * *

“Is that why you’re scared me?”

“Naruto…”

“It’s okay. I’m scared of me, too.”

Iruka-Sensei remained silent, gently rubbing the dry blood off of his cheeks that covered, and now revealed, whiskers. Iruka froze, staring at them with an expression Naruto couldn’t decipher. The whiskers of the monster that marked him for the world to see.

He leaned in closer to the boy, and to his sudden surprise, pecked the child’s cheeks. 

Naruto’s face burned red and immediately, he clasped his face. “What was that for?” He sputtered.

Iruka-Sensei’s smile grew so brightly, like a flower slowly blooming. His eyes curved from how wide it was and a single dimple, crinkled in his cheek. He ruffled the child's hair, then continued to clean the blood that stained him. 

Tears welled up in the boy’s eyes. He bit hard onto his lips in an attempt to stop them, but he couldn’t. Iruka didn’t say he didn’t fear him, but he didn’t have to. Naruto knew the answer. He didn’t fear him, but the beast within him. That smile, it was a look of love, similar to the kind of love a father had for his son. Love Naruto had never gotten in his life, and if he wanted to keep experiencing that, he knew he could no longer play nice with the devil.

“I promise I won’t do that!” He bewailed.

“And what exactly do you mean by _that_?” Iruka cooed.

“I’ll be good! I’ll be good!” Naruto couldn’t hold in the tears anymore, they flooded his face, and nothing but hiccups and breathy sobs escaped him. 

“You already are good.” Iruka hugged the child tightly, rubbing his back in an attempt to comfort the poor boy. “You’re the good-est kid I know.”

“Promise?” He hiccuped, his tears wetting his sensei’s attire.

“I promise.” 

With that, the child swore to never talk with the evil beast that lived within him ever again.


	9. Weakness

The monster’s discouraging words scratched the Uchiha’s eardrums over and over again.

~ _You’re weak.~_

Sasuke smelled blood. Was it his families? His mind hurt too much to think. His body felt heavy and his soul felt as if though it were falling into darkness. 

Weight pressed against his body, the feeling of water dropping against his forehead. 

“Is it raining?” Sasuke opened his eyes slowly only to see his teammates in tears. Especially Naruto, who quite frankly looked a complete mess lying on top of him. Naruto’s head jumped up, his eyes widen and before the Uchiha could think of what to say, he jumped on top of the boy hugging him so tight, the bruises and cuts on Sasuke’s body began to ache.

“Hey what the hel-”

“Shut up.” The boy sobbed against Sasuke’s ear. “Just shut up and let me hug you for a sec.”

Sasuke’s aggressive glare softened and his ears burned red. “Okay.” In that moment, Naruto’s arms squeezed a fraction tighter. He placed his hand against the back of his head and to Sasuke’s surprise, sobbed into his shoulder. The Uchiha’s heart sank. He felt bad for making the kid worry, but he also couldn’t help but feel somewhat special in that moment knowing his teammates cared dearly for him.

“It’s okay.” He sighed rubbing his back awkwardly. “I’m fine.” 

Finally letting go, the boy began wiping his tears. “I thought you were gone.” He hiccuped.

“I was for a second, but I’m fine now.” Sasuke looked down at himself. His stomach, arms and legs were bandaged with what seemed like ripped up ends of what was Sakura’s attire. “Thanks to Sakura I’m assuming.”

“Yeah. Sakura bondaged you up while you were passed out.” Naruto sniffled, rubbing his eyes continuously. Sakura smiled, holding up a peace sign awkwardly, her tongue sticking out. Cocky and mischievous as always. 

“What about Tazuna?”

“Don’t worry about me.” A voice from behind him said. Tazuna stood towering the small child with a smile that stretched from ear to ear. 

“Kakashi-Sensei?”

The reassuring smile on the two’s faces fell flat. Sakura barely able to keep eye contact with the boy. Sasuke’s body tensed. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine, but he’s completely out of it from using up all his chakra. I tried bandaging him up, but that's all I could do.” Sakura’s words drifted off in shame, obviously feeling responsible. Sasuke placed his hand onto her shoulder, giving her a reassuring look. “Thank you.” 

The girls eyes began to water, giving him a weak smile.

“We should stop talking though. Zabuza and Haku could attack any minute now.” Sasuke gritted. The three gave him a confused look, looking at each other, then him.

“What?”

“I already took down Zabuza.”

“You what?”

“Yeah and Kakashi and I took down Haku. Well, Kakashi-Sensei did most of the work, but I helped slow them down.”

For a second, relief washed over Sasuke and then, a feeling he swore he wouldn’t allow take over him slowly crept its way back into his chest.

Jealicy, anger, guilt, sadness--roaring within him. While he was passed out from a few needles, they were able to take down the enemy and still be fine enough to help him. Why the hell did he even jump in front of Naruto in the first place? Sasuke wasn’t even thinking, his body just moved on its own. 

 _Stupid legs._ Sasuke clenched his fist. _Damn it._

_~You’re weak.~_

Not this bullshit again. The world promised him that he wouldn’t lose his friends and in return Sasuke needed to stop obsessing over those stupid words. Sakura said it herself, its okay to be weak. 

But is it really? If the monster’s words still haunt and cripple him till this day, does it all even matter? What good is happiness if he’s chained down by trauma, guilt, and revenge. What good is that promise if it's thin the substances of consistence? That’s not real happiness, in fact, it sounds like _hell._

A loud crack rings in both of Sasuke’s ears. Naruto and Sakura had slapped him.

“You were thinking about it weren’t you!” Naruto barked.

“Yeah!”

“The hell are you two on about?” He growled, rubbing his sore cheeks.

“You were sulking about being ‘weak’ and ‘pathetic’.” Sakura teased, folding her arms.

“No I wasn’t.” He lied.

“Yes you were.”

“Yeah! Yeah! Yes you were!” Naruto chided.

“No. I. Wasn’t.”

“You can’t lie to a woman Sasuke. Woman have the best intuition.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, shooing her words away. “Whatever.” 

The two began to snicker, causing the boy’s glance to shift. Naruto placed his arm around Sasuke with a beaming smile. “Didn’t I say you wouldn’t be alone?” Even though he seemed confident, Naruto’s ears still burned a deep red. Sasuke could feel himself melting the longer he looked at him, his eye’s heavy in a feeling he couldn’t explain. _He’s an idiot._ He thought to himself. 

“Besides, you saved Naruto!” Sakura said, breaking the warmth. “If you didn’t jump in the way and Naruto got hurt instead, would you call him weak? In fact you’re brave for stepping in.”

“Actually, yeah I would.”

Naruto gritted his teeth, pushing down on the Uchiha’s head from his sudden teasing response. “You know what-”

Sasuke let out a belly laugh, shoving Naruto. “Loser.”

“You’re a loser!”

“Hey...kids. I hate to interrupt, but...I think Zabua might still be alive.” 

Immediately their smiles dropped. The three exchanged looks of fear as the tension they thought was gone seeped its way around them. All of them, including Sasuke, made their way towards where Tazuna stood, hovering over Zabuza’s body. 

He was haggard, pale and the circles around his eyes were purple hue. He was obviously dehydrated which Sasuke could tell from his cracked lips, and his skin glistened from sticky sweat. Sasuke poked him, he felt ice cold, raw. His chest was moving up and down aggressively and he wheezed with every breath. 

“Something must be wrong with his lungs.” Tazuna muttered, pity heavy in his voice.

“Naruto, go get my pouch from where we were sitting earlier. I think I might have some water left.” Sakura commanded, already ripping at the end of her attire to use as a bandage.

Sasuke stared at her wide eyed, baffled at what she was doing.

“What exactly are you doing?” Sasuke gritted.

“Saving him.”

“Are you out of your mind? He’ll kill us.”

“No he won’t. Gato is dead. He has no reason to hurt us.” Sakura didn’t even bother looking at Sasuke, helping Zabuza with what little she had.

“Here Sakura!” Before Sakura could take the water flask from Naruto, Sasuke slapped it out from the boys hand. The water spilling onto the ground. 

“What the hell Sasuke?” 

“We. Are not. Saving. Him.”

_~You’re weak.~_

_Damn it, shut the hell up!_

“Yes we are! He’ll die if we don’t!”

_~You’re weak.~_

“No he won’t! He’ll be fine!” Sasuke got up from where he sat, ignoring the pain that shot through his body.

“Then what's the point of leaving him here if he’s going to live either way huh? What's the point?” Sakura got up too, staring the boy straight in the eye’s, fearless. Sasuke remained silent, unsure on how to answer the girl. “Exactly. Now let me do what I need to do.” She sat back down, continuing her job.

“Hey, come on guys let's not argue.” Naruto whimpered,

_~You’re weak.~_

Sasuke bit onto his cheeks, so tight, he tasted iron. “This isn’t the time.” He gritted.

“Exactly!” Naruto chirped.

“No, not you—I mean—” He sighed deeply. “We can’t save him. The man is a psychopath and way too powerful to let live. Especially during times of war.”

“He’s a good person.”

Sasuke let out a condescending laugh. “And how the hell do you know that.” He mocked.

Sakura lifted her head, finally stopping what she was doing and looking the Uchiha in the eye’s, tears streaming. 

“He complimented my name.” Sasuke’s body tensed, pity now weighing heavily in his chest. “He helped me, so I’m helping him.”

_~You lack hatred.~_

“Shut the fuck up!” 

The three jumped. Silence cutting them deep, frozen and eyes widened.

“Sasuke...Are you oka-”

Grabbing onto the kunai within his pouch Sasuke got onto the ground, hovering it above Zabuza’s throat.

“What the hell do you think your doing? Are you insane?” Sakura yelled lifting her hand to attacking him, but Tazuna immediately held the child back. 

“None of us have any chakra left, Kakashi-Sensei is passed out for god knows how long, Zabuza could hunt us down on our way back to the village—I’m not willing to risk that.”

“Sasuke-”

“What Naruto? Are you just going to call me crazy too? I’ve given you both reasonable explanations as to why this is the best solution and none of you have given me good enough excuse other than he complimented your name. Even Tazuna agrees this is the best option.” Tazuna looked away shamefully.

“He cried when Haku died. Bad guys don’t cry.” Naruto sniffled.

“He’s not the bad guy and we’re not the good guys. It’s just survival and perspective Naruto.”

Sakura stopped fighting Tazuna’s grip. She gritted her teeth, tears pouring down her face and looking away. “Damn it.”

“Don’t worry kids. It’s just like battle.” 

“This isn't battle, Tazuna.” Sakura sobbed. “This is an execution.” 

Sasuke’s body began to shake, his face turning sickly pale and his skin goosed. “You don’t have to do it. You kids have been through enough. Let me.”

Sasuke looked down at his kunai, slowly gesturing for Tazuna to take it.

 _~Weak~_ The boy froze. “No. I’ll do it. It’s my mission to protect you.” He can’t be weak. He had to contribute something. Especially after being simply knocked out by a couple of cuts. He had to prove that monster wrong.

Sasuke lifted the kunai above Zabuza’s throat. He looked peaceful. Without the anger of the world to suffocate the man, Sasuke would never believe he was a bloodthirsty killer. In fact, he looked like a young father, married with three kids. Always driving his wife crazy, but at the end of the day, she still loves him. Probably sells fish at the local market.

Sasuke felt his gut clench.

_Stop thinking and just do it!_

His hand shook violently against the kunai, his armpits prickly from the sudden rush of sweat, pulse pounding in his temple, breathing growing rapid and shallow. Tear’s now brimming his eyes, as if he were mourning him. 

Sasuke didn’t know him. And he never would.

_~You’re weak.~_

Sasuke’s stomach lurched, his body lathered in sweat and growing frail. He wanted to heave every drop of agony and fear from out of his body, but this wasn’t the time. Clenching the kunai as tight as he could, the child swallowed whatever was planning to make its way out. 

**_~You’re weak.~_ **

Ignoring the cries of his teammates, Sasuke closed his eyes, pushing the blade into the neck of the monster.


	10. Astral Projection

**Shikamaru**

He was tired. So, so, so tired. Of course he was! Getting rocks thrown at one's room window in the middle of the night by one's uncontrollable teammates would make anyone tired! Annoyed! Enraged even! He looked up at the sky, not a single cloud visible for a therapeutic cloud-gazing walk on his way to voluntarily get a ass-beating. _What a drag._

Shikamaru made his way stomping towards Asuma’s place where the two idiots told him to meet them. He knocked, waiting impatiently.

Slowly the door creaked open and in front of him stood, Ino. She had a mischievous grin on her face, even though that was usual for her, this one felt different. 

_Shit._

Different _always_ meant bad luck. Shikamaru felt it in his gut and his mother always told him to trust his gut. The boy sighed deeply, closing his eyes and putting his hands together.

“What are you doing?” Ino spat, hands on her hips. 

“Praying.”

She rolled her eyes, throwing her hands up in defense. “I didn’t even say anything!”

“You don’t have to. I already know you and Choji did something stupid.”

Ino’s grin fell flat and aggressively, the girl pulled him inside from the collar of his shirt. “You won’t believe what me and Choji found!” She chirped, hands clenched in front of her face in excitement. Shikamaru slowly took his shoes and jacket off, as if slowing down time would ever stop those two idiots from getting his ass yelled at again for their stupid behavior. 

Once he was done, Ino eagerly pulled him by his wrist towards the gaming room. 

 _What the hell did I get myself into now?_ He thought to himself. 

Strangely, there was not a single flame lit in the room, and not a single board game out. It was dark, and only the sound of Choji snacking on a bag of chips was present. Ino slammed the door shut behind her and pulled the dreadful boy to sit next to her. 

“So...are you two going to tell me what the hell is going on?”

The two began to snicker, playful shoving each other on who should say it. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

“Oh for fucks sake.”

“Chillax’ Shika. It’s nothing serious.” Choji grabbed a chip from within his bag, offering Shikamaru one.

“You’re offering me a chip? Must be bad.” His eyes squinting in suspicion. He grabbed the chip from within Choji's hand and ate it, _slowly_.

“So,” Ino began stuffing her face with Choji’s snacks obnoxiously, twirling the ends of her long hair with her other hand. “Choji and I were chillin’. Ya’ know, playing board games, talking shit about the other groups. Blah, blah, the usual.”

“Uh hum.” Shikamaru crossed his arms.

“But then, shit got hella’ boring, so we decided to snoop around through Asuma’s stuff.”

“You what?”

“And it was so easy too cause Asuma was, like, completely passed out. Snoring.” Choji began to laugh, the two high-fiving each other as if they just accomplished something great. Shikamaru could already feel his ass burning from the discipline induced spankings of his mother. Nonetheless, the boy was still somewhat curious.

“So what? What exactly did the two of you find?”

A vexatious grin stretched across the girl’s face, her hands rubbing together. “The special grass!” She squealed enthusiastically.

“The what?”

“The devil’s cabbage!” Choji joined in.

“I’m not catching.” 

Ino sighed deeply, rolling her eyes as if it were so obvious what the hell the two of them were talking about. “For a boy known to be the smartest in the patch, you sure are a dumbass.” She huffed. The girl unzipped her small patch and slowly, out came a small plastic bag. 

“What's in there?”

“Take a look.”

Shikamaru leaned in closer to the girl, poking his head to see what's inside, and immediately his eyes widened.

“Are you insane?” He shouted in a whisper. Were they trying to get thrown in some kind of detention center? Weed without a medical prescription written by a medical ninja isn’t even allowed in Konoha! 

“I know right! So who wants to roll it?” Choji beamed, his hands together in excitement.

“No! You need to put it back! Now-” Before Shikamaru could yell anymore, the two shinobi’s jumped to clasp the boy’s mouth.

“Shh! He’ll hear us dumbass!” Ino cautioned. Shikamaru slapped the two’s hands off his mouth, his eyebrows together in frustration. 

“I’m not gonna’ be a part of this.” First it was stealing Asuma’s flask, then scratching his headband like a rogue ninja as a ‘prank’, and now _this_ ? Are they insane? Every single goddamn time Shikamaru was _always_ the one to get the blame and every time his butt grew more and more sore due to his mother's passionate spankings. He was done. No more.

“Who knew Shika was such a bitch?” Ino teased, taking the grass from out the bag. No way. No _way_ was she going to pressure him into doing something stupid again. Not this time.

“Oh fuck you.” Shikamaru spat, getting up from where he sat. The two giggled, Ino proceeding to stick her tongue out at him like a child, and Choji, rolling the grass.

“What a pussy huh?” Shikamaru clenched his jaw so tight, it throbbed. 

“You know what? Screw you. Both of you.”

“It’s literally just weed Shika. Grass.” Ino rolled her eyes, not even bothering to look at him. 

“I heard that shit kills you or something.” Shikamaru fretted, trying to mask his concern for them with anger. 

“Kiba’s team say they they smoke it all the time.” Choji smacked, digging his teeth for food.

“Yeah and? Do they look okay to you? That dude smells like fucking dog piss! And Shino? He collects bugs! Who the hell collects bugs!? ”

"You know that's like, hella' discriminatory towards the inuzuka and aburame clan." Choji munched.

"Yeah." Ino agreed. "Kinda disappointed in you for saying that Shika." Her tone, sarcastic. 

"Oh don't you dare try to change the topic and turn this on me! This is a B-level crime! A crime!"

“You know what fine.” Ino grabbed the bag of chips from next to her, throwing it at Shikamaru in attempt to get him to shut up. “Don’t do it. But we are and you can either leave like the pussy that you are or sit here and watch us have fun.”

“Like the pussy that you are.” Choji corrected, finishing her sentence with his own touch.

Shikamaru tapped his foot anxiously. Contemplating if he should leave and save his ass, or stay and look out for his friends. 

 _I can't let Choji think I'm a pussy._ He thought to himself as his ears reddened.

Shikamaru sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Of course he has to stay.

“Fine! I’m cool with that!”

“Cool.” Choji shrugged.

“Cool.” Shikamaru began tapping his foot anxiously, unable to contain himself.

“But I’m serious! I won't do it! I’m done getting myself in shitty situation because the two of you don’t have the brain cells to realize enough is enough.” He sat down in between the two, arms crossed.

“Uh hum.” Ino began lighting the blunt, smoke now dancing above the end. 

 “I have self control _and_ self respect. See? Besides, I care about my body. I don't need to assert some sort of dominance and assurance from the two of you.”

“Cool story bro.” Choji shooed, still smacking on his chips.

“Not to mention I have asthma!" He lied in a panic. "I am _literally_ risking my life sitting her—”

Suddenly Choji threw his bag of chips across the room, causing the two to tense up from his sudden aggression. He squinted his eyes, leaning in closer to the two. Sweat now bundling up on Shikamaru’s forehead by the tension now blanketing them. 

“ _I heard-"_ Choji's voice was hardly more than a whisper, a wind in Shika's ear. "- _it makes you feel like a cloud.”_

Silence fell heavy in the room. Ino wearing a triumphant smile across her face and her brow lifted. No thinking was needed to be made. After that statement, there was only one answer appropriate for that response. Shikamaru scooted closer to the two, his look, now mischievous as Ino’s. “Let me get a hit too.”

* * *

They all laid on their backs on the cold wooden floor. Next to each other and staring up at the ceiling as if they were cloud-gazing.

“Dude, from a scale of jello to cake, how baked do I look?”

“Fuckin-” Ino suddenly starts to burst into a messy and slow laughter, her eye’s squinted. “Dude your head big as hell. Like a cake” She giggled, poking his cheek, mimicking the movement of a sloth. 

That literally makes no sense.

But why was it the most funniest thing Shikamaru has ever heard in his entire life. They all burst into laughter, gut wrenching and hugging their stomachs. 

“Oh my god I can literally feel everything in my hands.” Ino gasped, drool dripping from her mouth.

Shikamaru felt as if though he was sinking exactly where he laid. His eyelids a tad bit heavier than usual causing him to squint and his _soul_ felt heavy. Complete euphoria washing over him. Relaxed, like melting warm honey. Especially his chest. God did his chest feel heavenly. Free from exertion.

“Guys I swear to god I can taste every single spice on this chip.” Choji began shoving more down his throat. He looked weird, his head bigger than usual. Shikamaru began to laugh again. He _does_ look like a cake.

Shikamaru looked down at his leg. His short leg. _Why is my leg short?_ He let out a snort from his sudden thought.  

Suddenly, a wild question shot itself in the child's mind. “Oh my god, guys listen.”

The two were lost in their own world, two billion light-years away. However, Shikamaru didn’t seem to notice that.

“If I cut my leg off...I won’t feel anything.” 

“What?” Ino said, snapping back to their dimension. “That don’t make no sense.”

“No, listen. If I cut my leg _completely_ off, where am I gonna feel the pain?”

“In your le-" Ino's eye's widened. "...wait..”

“How you gonna’ feel the pain if your leg already gone?” They both said in unison, mouths wide open as if they just discovered something big.

“Dude this shit gave us like 50 trillion gazillion brain cells.” 

“We’re so smart.” Ino agreed, looking up at the ceiling. “You ever just think about how, like, we’re literally just walking skeletons.”

“Walking skeletons?”

“Yeah, like, our skin is just a huge body suit.” Shikamaru turned his head, now looking Ino directly in the eyes. "Life is crazy man." She mumbled. He held her face with his hands, completely blown away by what the girl had just said.

“Holy shit.” He whispered. “You’re a genius.” Shikamaru, grabbed the blunt from in between her two fingers, taking another hit. His lungs being welcomed with warm smoke and the itching need to cough, yet the boy kept it in. A warm buzz hitting his head and his view growing slightly disfigured. Either Asuma-Sensei’s dealer grows weed in the garden of Eden or weed has always been this good. “Shit.” He heaved, trying to keep it in.

Loud footsteps, heart racing, body shaking and skin lathered in sweat. Shikamaru bolted up from where he laid, eyes searching the room in a panic.

“Dude are you okay?” Choji asked, his voice flat and sluggish. 

Shika began to hug himself, his chest getting tighter. Something felt wrong. Someone was watching him. No, someone was out to get him. They were going to jail. They’ve been discovered. Was it the anbu black-ops? Of course it was. After hearing him talk about cutting off his leg and not feeling any pain, he's a threat! He knows too much. 

“I swear I just heard the anbu black-ops.” Shikamaru fretted.

“What?” Ino began to laugh. “You’re seriously baked man.”

“No, guys I swear I heard someone.” 

The footsteps grew louder, so loud, Ino and Choji sat up in fear, cause even they too began to hear it. “Shit!” She shouted in a whisper. “Asuma’s coming!” Panic washed over them all as they chaotically ran around the room, bumping into each other and trying their best to organize everything. "Shit, shit, shit!"

 Ino made sure to light a candle, trying her best to drown the skunk-like scent with the smell of 'tropical fruit' and pumpkins.

“Here! Throw it in here!” Choji opened the room closet, opening a small vase for Shikamaru to throw the blunt and the bag of weed in. He looked at the heavenly grass, then forcefully took another hit. 

“Shika!”

“Sorry! Sorry…” Colors and textures began to mix, sound growing abstract and his head now feeling slightly squeezed. Choji slammed the closet shut and in came Asuma-Sensei, eyebrows drawn together and frustrated. Normally the three, especially Shikamaru, would be terrified...but...why was it so funny? He _looked_ funny. 

_No. Keep it in, Shikamaru. Don’t laugh._

Asuma-Sensei crouched down, staring the boy in the eyes. 

 _Shit, my eyes. Asuma-Sensei would notice how red and squinted they are!_ Immediately, the child shut his eyes. 

"What are you... doing?" 

"I don't know what’re you doing?” He mumbled, trying his best to hold in his laughter.

"Your eyes. Why are your eyes closed?"

"I’m sleeping." 

"You're what? You _just_ closed them right now."

"Yes." God was he fooling Asuma-Sensei so well. Shikamaru was so proud of himself, it took everything in him not to smile.

The sinking feeling Shikamaru once felt came again, so much, the boy felt like he might drown within the ground. His soul felt as if though it were rocking, moving side to side like waves of an ocean. Shikamaru gripped onto his pants for dear life in fear he would drift out of his own body. His eyes widen and brimming with tears, panicking internally.

_Come on Shika just stay in your body. Asuma's gonna’ kill me if he sees you astral projecting._

“You okay?”

“What?” Shikamaru’s eyes shifted from Asuma’s. He watched as his two friends tried their best to keep their composure. Especially Ino, who continuously shoved handfuls of chips down her throat in attempt to stop herself from laughing.

"Whatever. Have you three seen my plastic bag."

"What plastic bag? What's in it? Is it important?" Ino blurted, a devilish grin stretching from ear to ear, daring him to say whats in it.

Asuma squinted his eyes, chewing on his toothpick in suspicion. “No..." He grumbled. "Never mind. It's getting late. You three should go to bed. Your eyes are a bit... _red_.”

“Dehydration!” Shikamaru blurted in a panic. “We’re all just a bit dehydrated!...and tired.”

“Right...Dehydration.” Asauma-Sensei placed his toothpick on the ground in front of where Shika sat. “Your team is lucky to have such a smart leader, huh? Willing to take responsibility for all mistakes.” He sarcastically threatened. Shikamaru's armpits grew prickly.

“Yup. Responsibility...” His words, trailing off into a deep mumble. Asuma sighed, getting up from where he sat, making his way out. Before he could walk out the room, Asuma turned his head, giving a scary and spine chilling stare. “Sleep.” He commanded.

“Yessir!” Ino shouted. The moment the door closed silence covered the room and then, every ounce of laughter that was strained and concealed drowned each of every single one of them. So much, their stomachs ached and their eyes pouring of tears.

"I don't know if it's the weed, but his f-forehead looked so much huger than usual!" Ino bursts. "A five head!”

"I wonder what he's thinking up there." Shikamaru snickered. "Dreams are probably HUGE!’” Shikamaru cackled.

They couldn’t take it anymore. Anymore jokes and their stomachs would grow abs from how squeezed they felt.

"Oh my god stop!" Ino cried, now laying on the ground and hugging her stomach from laughing too hard.

"His forehead is almost bigger than Sakur-" Before Choji could even dare to finish his sentence, Ino’s palm was already clasping his mouth. _Shit._

Choji pulled her hand down, face filled with pity. The room silent and tensed, completely cutting through the joyous atmosphere that once drowned the area. “Shit Ino...I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

"Don't. It's fine."

No one really knew of what happened between the two. All Shika knew was it went from Ino not being able to keep her mouth from gushing on how amazing Sakura was to if anyone spoke of her name the girl would be heavy in sadness. Shikamaru didn’t know if it was the weed, or the fact that he survived Asuma’s suspicion and now craves the adrenaline and sticky sweat from running in fear of Ino beating his ass, but curiosity clouded the boy's fright.

"You know you never really talked about what _exactly_ happened between the two of you." 

"Yeah yeah!" 

"'Cause it's none of your business." She snapped, snatching Choji’s chips aggressively.  

“Hey!” He whined.

"I'm leaving." Guilt immediately weighed in Shika’s chest.

"Oh come on." Ino didn’t bother to look back, the girl kept walking towards the door.

"Ino!" He grabbed onto her ankles, trying his best to stop her like a toddler begging for his mother to stay home. "It's not safe out now. How about we get a few more hits and end the night here? Huh? What do you say Ino?" Ino turned her head, somewhat convinced. "Come on, pretty please?" Shikamaru pouted his lips, eyes begging the girl to stay. 

"Fine." She spat, trying to kick away the boy's grip. "Just let go of me." 

He laid on his back again, patting his stomach for the girl to lay on. Of course, she complied and Choji, hugging the boys waist. They cuddled together in silence.

"I know it's been a long time since then, but...you're okay right?"

Ino remained silent, snuggling up deeper into Shika's stomach. Before the silence could translate into a ‘no’, the girl sighed deeply, turning her head to eye the boy. "Yeah. I'm okay." Relief rushed through Shikamaru’s body like blood. However, the sadness in her eyes made it impossible for Shika to be convinced. Regardless, he dropped it. Any more questioning and he'd earn himself a 'Ino-sucker-punch'. Besides, if she wasn't comfortable with talking about it, then it was none of his business to intervene. When shes ready to talk, then he's ready to listen.

"What about you Choji?"

“What do you mean?” Choji's words, bordered with sadness.

“What those other ninja village folks said about your weight the other day was rude as fuck.” 

“Yeah! I should've been there so I could’ve beaten their ass to a bloody pulp.” Ino gritted, clenching her fist so tight Shika could hear the friction.

Fear caught itself in Shikamaru. _Ino sure is scary._

"It's okay Ino. Shika. I'm fine.” He hiccuped. Choji’s arm’s squeezed a fraction tighter around Shikamaru's waist. Shikamaru's ears burned a soft pink.

"Nothing wrong your weight buddy." He whispered softly, gently running his hands through the boys hair in an attempt to comfort him. "The more to hug the better." 

"Agreed." Ino chimed in, holding Choji's hand and softly caressing his palm with her thumb.

“I’m glad we all at least have each other.” He hiccuped.

 _At least_.

Of course, without each other, Shikamaru wouldn't be where he is now. Comforting his friends, and sleeping like babies after committing a huge B-level crime. 

More importantly: _Alive_.

He knew the same applied to them as well. Life felt was somewhat unlivable until he crossed their paths. Fate tied them together so well. 

Before the cloud of sleep hovering above him could lower, a small smile itched its way onto Shikamaru's face.

“Yeah. Me too.”


	11. Scum

**Kakashi**

**Three years ago**

Ironically it was raining heavily today. Were the god’s mourning for him? He couldn’t seem to get a single tear to fall. Maybe he still hadn’t digested what was about to happen or maybe he didn’t really care for him as much as he thought he did. Kakashi’s back was wet from the intense rain and every droplet felt like cold rocks hammering onto his skin. Shivering, he entered the small ramen shop and was smacked with the scent of spices. He ruffled his hair hoping to get it a bit dry, trying not to look as pathetic as the conversation that was about to occur. 

Kakashi’s eyes traced the area. From the herbs that grew twisting its body around the tables and chairs, to the warm smile that the owner welcomed him with, and finally, to the dead and unphased gaze of the man that awaited him. 

Kakashi didn’t know what to say in that moment. Their eyes locked completely destroying any plans of him running out. A nervous rush washed over him. 

“Um...” Kakashi scratched the back of his head unsure of what to say to kill the awkward tension around the two of them. Iruka crossed his arms, gesturing for him to take a seat. This made Kakashi even more nervous.

“I don’t want to drag this out so I’ll cut it short.” Iruka sighed deeply then took his glasses off, rubbing his eyes in frustration as if he was trying to prepare himself for what he was about to say. “Let’s break up.” The sounds of people laughing and chattering grew muffled and Kakashi’s gaze shifted from Iruka’s. Even though he knew what he heard he still couldn’t seem to digest it.

 “Kakashi—”

“I heard you.” 

Iruka sighed again. “You should leave then. I’m staying behind.” His voice remained stern and unbothered. As if though none of this mattered to him. That breaking up with someone who loved him more than _anything_ was just another checkbox in his to do list. His _stupid_ to do list. 

_~ “Jesus christ Kakashi I told you to stop drawing all over my journal.” ~_

_Is he going to throw it away?_ A pitiful smile itched its way onto Kakashi’s face as he was reminded of how he use to draw so many hearts all over it just to spite Iruka. Was he going to throw away the little short stories he wrote for him too? _Oh god I’m never going to have anyone to write about anymore._

“Kakashi—”

“I heard you damn it.” He gritted. Iruka’s eyes grew wide in shock from the sudden hostility in Kakashi’s voice. “I’m sorry. It's just—” He had no right to feel angry. This was his fault. Knowing Iruka, no matter how tough and in control he’s portraying himself in this very moment, he’s probably torn. In fact, Iruka’s eyes were slightly red and his hair was a mess, not in its usual ponytail. Has he been crying? A sudden urge to hug him surfaced itself in Kakashi’s chest. _He probably blames himself. He shouldn’t, but he probably does._

Kakashi tapped his fingers onto the glass stained table as if though he was thinking, then gritted his teeth.  “You go. I’m not leaving.” This time Iruka’s eyes were finally locked onto his. Widened and hurt drowning them. He scoffed. “Selfish till the very end huh?” _That’s right. Hate me._

Iruka began to pack his things aggressively, getting up from he sat. 

“Don’t blame me for you getting too in-tune with your emotions.”

Iruka froze in his movement, a silent tension blanketing them, and then, staring Kakashi down with a look of pure disgust and anger. Sluggish warm tears rolled down the man’s face, his mouth opened, but unable to say a word. 

“Did you-” He could barely speak, his voice almost collapsing in sobs. “Did you even love me?” The ramen shop grew silent. Eye’s now on them, watching as Kakashi made this poor helpless man cry, causing Kakashi to squirm in his seat. 

Kakashi wanted to hold him. Wipe his tears as he caresses his cheeks gently, whispering into his ear ‘its okay’ over and over again until he believes it. He wanted to look into his eyes deeply again. How his eyes alone would say ‘I love you’ to him, bringing security rushing through him in waves. A look that made him melt like warm honey, completely relaxed yet filled with so much exertion from the tightness of his chest. It was love, but not the kind of love in fairy tales because that was too cheesy, that was nothing compared to what he felt. This was _real._ But it was no longer real anymore. That look? Gone, and only hate was what was saved deep in the man's eyes. 

“I told you. You were nothing, but sex to me.” 

The people in the shop began to whisper, gossiping in shock as to what Kakashi had bravely said out loud. Especially when being gay was something taboo to the entire village under Hiruzen's ruling.

“Don’t you ever-” Iruka swallowed down what seemed to be a sob, then rubbed his eyes aggressively of the tears that attempted to flow. “Don’t you ever speak to me again.”

He made his way out of the cafe, not even bothering to turn for a second look and leaving Kakashi in a puddle of his own despair. 

Kakashi's legs, growing weak. He knew this was going to happen. What he did was unforgivable. So why did it not hurt until now? Was he hoping he’d change his mind? A numbing ache rested heavily in his chest. 

Kakashi should have never stayed behind to help him on his unfinished work. He should have said no when Iruka invited him into his house for dinner. Kakashi should have never kissed him that night for the first time while watching the stars and he should have _never_ let Iruka love him, because now he was just a stranger who knew him better than anyone. 

* * *

“Come in!”

 _Shit._ Kakashi had hoped the man wasn’t in his office, but there was no denying it. That was _his_ voice. Kakashi turned around, about to run away only to be welcomed with three children, eyes digging itself into his skull, begging him not to. Kakashi’s chest tightened. 

 _Damnit._ He cursed to himself. _Stupid kids._

“You three stay here.”

“But I wanna’ come in with you! I wanna' see Iruka!”

Sasuke pushed the boy’s head down aggressively. “Shut up before Kakashi-Sensei changes his mind! Don’t you want a cool mission?”

Before the two could break out into their usual insensitive arguments relating to past trauma, Kakashi opened the door, closing it behind him.

Iruka’s eyes were locked on the piles of paper on his desk. He wrote fast, passionately, and his hair was tied up in a messy bun. Kakashi remembered how he used to love watching him work. The way his brow’s drew together was always so cute to him. 

The sensei’s ears began to burn.  

_Focus dammit!_

“Speak.” Iruka ordered.

“I’m here representing Team 7-” Iruka’s head shot up from his work due to the familiar voice, eyes widened in complete disbelief as if though he’d just seen a ghost. “for a request.” Kakashi spoke in a professional manner, his eyes not even daring to lock with his.

“And who am I speaking to?” He whispered, shock still painting him. Iruka knew exactly who, but asking the name before a request was protocol. They had to keep things professional or else unwanted emotions would be staining them both again. 

“Kakashi Hatake.”

Iruka fumbled nervously, trying to get a hold of his inked feather. “Right, um, give me a sec.” He began scribbling on the confidential paper.

“What are you requesting?”

“A higher ranked mission.”

Iruka immediately stopped writing. He placed the feather onto the table, now locking eyes with the nervous sensei. “I can’t do that.”

“What do you mean you can’t do that?”

Iruka sighed deeply, tangling his hands together. "I mean, I can't do that."

"Why not?" Kakashi was frustrated, annoyance brimming his words.

"All rank requests must be passed through the Hokage."

"Then send my request to the Hokage."

"Then you'll have to pick a number and wait in line at the Hokage office."

Kakashi ruffled his hair. He promised the kids he'd get them a 'cooler' mission by tomorrow. Not in a whole year.

"Yeah I know that, it's just I assumed-"

"Assumed what? That I'd give you the 'hook up'?"

"Well yes--no, I don't know. I just heard you gave Asuma's team a B-rank mission-"

"Because he's a close friend."

_A 'close friend'? What the hell did that mean?_

"What do you mean _close friend_?"

"That's none of your business." Were Asuma and Iruka together? Like how him and Kakashi were?

Kakashi's fist tightened in attempt to close the casket of memories and complicated feelings he poorly buried, but of course, that did nothing. 

_~Does he fuck him like he use to fuck me?~_

_Stop. It's none of my business._ He told himself. However, the agitating itch in the back his brain refused to settle. 

Kakashi walked closer to Iruka's desk. So close, his words were a wind to Iruka's ears.

"Am I not your close friend?"

Iruka's face grew bright red, his eyes widened and taking in a few nervous breaths.

"No." He whispered, looking away. 

“Then why aren’t you looking at me.” Kakashi placed his hands gently onto his cheek, directing him to look at him. Their eyes locked and Kakashi’s hand immediately dropped.

Iruka’s eyes were drowning in tears, biting his lip in frustration and his brows drawn together. 

“What the hell are you doing?” His voice almost breaking in sobs but bordered in disgust. 

What the hell _was_ Kakashi doing? 

Was he really trying to use Iruka’s emotions to get his team a better mission? If so, then he’s the worst of the worst. Worse than scum. Or was he just using that as an excuse and that deep down, he was angry, frustrated, saddened that someone else was feeling up Iruka the same way he use to. 

 _Too much to think about._ Kakashi ruffled his hair frustrated, then began making his way out of the office.

“Wait.”

He froze, but refrained from turning around to see what kind of expression the man was giving him. “Take the folder on the counter next to you. It’s nothing special, but its better than what I’ve been giving you.”

 _Giving you?_ Has Iruka been giving Kakashi’s team terrible missions this entire time on purpose out of spite? Kakashi wasn't angry, he knew it's what he deserved, but still, it hurt to know Iruka still hated him.

The sensei snatched the folder from on the counter, guilt weighing heavily on his shoulders.

“Thank you.” He mumbled, running out the office in shame.

* * *

"Well? Did you get us a cool mission?" Sasuke spat, hands in his pockets. Naruto and Sakura's eyes glistened in excitement, waiting on their sensei's words.

For a second, all the embarrassment of what had occurred before was gone and only love for the kids clouded the man's judgement.

_The things I'd do for these kids._

"Yup!" He beamed, pinching Sasuke’s cheek.

"Ugh!” Sasuke shooed the man’s hands away, neck burning red. “Stop treating me like a kid old man.” He raged, walking ahead of the group. Before Kakashi-Sensei could say anything to the little rascal for his disrespectful words, Sakura and Naruto jumped onto the tired man hugging him tightly.

“Thank you, Sensei!”

Any ounce of anger and frustration left the sensei's body and only warmth blanketed him. A small smile itched itself on Kakashi’s face as he ruffled the children’s hair. “You should be. Had to go through a lot to get you guy’s this mission!” He spoke loudly, obviously trying to get Sasuke’s attention in hopes he’d say thank you too. However, the man was only welcomed with the child's small middle finger and not even bothering to turn around or stop walking.

Kakashi clicked his tongue, shaking his head, then chuckled softly to himself. 

“You’re welcome!"


	12. Nightmares

**Sakura**

_Blood gushed sluggishly from the deep wound in her mother’s stomach, staining the pretty flowers that once brought joy to the girl. The mother stared deeply into her eyes, back and forth it went, from an empty glare holding hands with death, to a look filled with emotion directed towards her daughter. Mebuki Haruno moved her lips, but not a single sound slipped through, only blood._

_Sakura pulled herself closer towards her, trying her best to hear the final words of her dying mother. Normally, the girl would try to find some sort of hope, a flicker of life within her mother’s glass-like stare, but this was all too familiar. An ending that had already been revealed to her multiple times._

_“If only…” Mebuki grunted, her eyes squinting from the shot of pain. Tears welled up in Sakura’s eyes, a numbing agony resting in her chest._

_The grip Mebuki had around her daughters shoulder grew tighter, so tight, blood began to rush itself through her fingers._

_“Mom please, it hurts.” She cried, trying to pull her mother away, but nothing helped. The more she pulled the deeper her nails sank into the girls arm._

_“If only I never birthed you!”_

A cluster-fuck of thoughts and emotions came rushing through Sakura’s mind, and then, a snapping crack of silence and only the sound of her heart racing caused the girl’s eyes to shoot open. She was welcomed with the unsettling darkness of the night. Her body lathered in sticky sweat. Sakura had grown used to the recurring nightmare, but still, this one was way more vivid than usual. A gag escaped her, but nothing poured out from her. Sakura snuggled her knees against her chest, hugging her legs in an attempt to comfort oneself, but of course, that did nothing. 

 _I’ll go for a walk._ She thought to herself, getting up from where she lay. Sakura refused to let herself sink into a puddle of her own despair. She needed to keep her cool. Especially in front of her teammates. 

Slowly the girl opened the flap of the tent, trying her best not to make a sound loud enough for Kakashi to come running.

She had hoped the night would be breezy, cool, but instead the heat was so unbearable, the girl contemplated walking all the way back home instead of sitting in a pool of her sweat in her cheap and musty tent Kakashi got for the three of them. 

The sound of a snapping twig made the girl flinch. Immediately she turned her head towards the direction of the sound. It was coming from Sasuke’s tent. She squinted her eyes, trying to see what it was.

“Naruto.” She groaned, making her way towards him. “What the hell are you doing up?” .

“I should be asking you the same question.” He sassed, pursing his lips and squinting his eyes.

Sakura sighed, rolling her eyes. She wasn’t in the mood for his smartass replies. “Just answer my question.”

Naruto’s stare shifted, hands in his hair. “I just needed to ask Sasuke something thats all.”

“Like what?”

“Sakura!” He whined.

“Stop yelling! Kakashi will hear us! Now tell me.”

“I was getting…”

“Getting?”

“Worried. I guess? I don’t know! I’m having trouble sleeping and I was wondering if Sasuke was too!”

“Why would he be having trouble sle-” She had completely forgotten what had happened that day. How Sasuke went absolute ape-shit and pierced the neck of an unarmed man. It’s been two days and he hasn’t said a word, not even to give Kakashi the usual mission report that he obviously owes. It’s common sense for Naruto to be worried. Especially when he obviously cared for him more than an average teammate would. “Shit. I completely forgot.” She had also forgotten how the man he killed was the first and only man to tell her to have pride in her name. Sakura gritted her teeth. 

“Screw him. I hope he’s havin’ trouble sleeping.” She spat, stomping her way towards her tent.

“Sakura! Don’t be like that, come on!” Naruto wrapped his fingers around the girls arm, trying his best to stop her. “What if he’s having nightmares, huh? Like you and I?”

“Who said I was having nightmares?” She snapped, frozen in her tracks.

“I know the symptoms when I see them.” He whispered, eyes squinted in suspicion as he moved his face closer to hers.

Sakura pushed his head with her palm, sweat bundling up on her forehead. “Stop joking around. I’m going in.”

“What do you mean you're going in?” He fretted.

“Isn’t that what you came here for? Unless your plan was to peep on Sasuke like a weird pervert.” She joked, sticking her tongue out.

Naruto’s entire face grew bright red. “What! No way!” 

Sakura grabbed the boy by his collar, dragging him in with her. “Then come on then!” The two were welcomed with the scent of burning incense, obviously trying to mask the scent of sweat and dirt coming from the boy. Has he not washed himself these past couple of days? Sakura began to chew on the inside of her mouth, annoyed by her own concern for him.

Sasuke was cradled in his bed, his back facing the tent wall making it impossible for the two to tell if he’s been awake or they’d just woken him. 

“What the hell do you two idiot’s want?” 

Before Naruto could say something in response to Sasuke’s rudeness, Sakura stepped forward. 

“We wanted to check up on you.”

Sasuke got up from where he lay, facing the two. His eyes were more dead and empty than the first day she’d met him. 

“Well you’ve checked. Now leave.”

“Cool! I’ll be doing that now-” Sakura grabbed onto Naruto’s collar, stopping the boy from leaving.

She didn’t know what to say to him. Asking him if he was okay would be a dumb question and to be quiet frank, she was still mad at him for what he did. However, Sakura swallowed that anger with understanding. 

“Kakashi’s been asking for your mission report for the past two days now.”

“So?”

“ _So?_ It's all he ever talks about! _How’s Sasuke? What happened to Sasuke? Why haven't you been asking Sasuke about the mission report?_ Blah blah blah, I’m sick of it!”

“Okay.” 

Sakura’s eyes widened, her armpits growing prickly under pressure. He must be really down if his reaction to her scolding him is a simple ‘okay’.

Holding her breath and fiddling with her thumbs, Sakura stepped closer to the boy. “I wrote in the report that Zabuza died by my hand in defense.” Sasuke’s eyes glued itself towards the ground. His fist clenched. She waited for some sort of response, maybe even a little ‘thank you’, but only silence blanketed them. The girl gritted her teeth from the sudden lack of gratitude. 

“Let's get out of here Naruto.” She huffed.

“Wait.”

The two froze in their tracks. Naruto’s head ducked down as if though he were about to be scolded. Sakura however, stood up strong, daring the Uchiha to say something to annoy her.

“I’m sorry.”

Naruto’s eyes trailed towards the ground, his ears a bright pink. Sakura's didn’t move a muscle. Her stare was still as cold as ever. If anything, the apology just aggravated her more. Especially by how forgiving and lenient Naruto was suddenly being. Tazuna too. That good-for-nothing just let it go right after he killed Zabuza. _What do expect from a Konoha customer?_ Nothing matters as long as the stupid mission is complete. 

Where she came from, a raised tone could result in a beating that ached for days _. ‘The longer it hurts the more you remember.’_ Is what her father would say.

“You can’t just say you’re sorry and expect it to be all shits and giggles afterwards.”

“Sakura-”

“Shut it Naruto.” Naruto’s shoulders fell, leaving a sting of guilt in Sakura’s heart. 

“Sakura’s right. Naruto, if you don’t mind, I need to talk to her alone.” The girl lifted her brow, crossing her arms in suspicion. 

Naruto, being strangely obedient complied, making his way out of the tent. 

“What you gotta say to me you can say to Naruto.”

“Sakura Haruno.”

Sakura flinched, straightening up her back in completely instinct from the sound of her full name. “Your name. It’s pretty.” 

The girl’s face began to flare up, completely uncomfortable from the sudden compliment. It was obvious he was trying to kiss up to her before apologizing. Especially when Zabuza was the first one to ever compliment her name.

“What’re you, flirting with me?”

“Sakura-”

“Stop being nervous and just say what you gotta’ say already.” 

Sasuke looked down at his feet, then took a deep breath in. “I screwed up.”

“Hell yeah you did.” She spat.

“I just. I keep getting this…” The boy swallowed hard, as if his body was trying to stop him from speaking. “...this nightmare where I’m in a house fire and I’m tied up and no matter how much I scream and beg for someone to save me, no one comes.” Sakura’s chest compressed, she clenched tightly to the ends of her sleeping gown from the intensity and weight of the Uchiha’s words. “All I see is that monster laughing at me. Calling me weak over and over again, and it's come to this point where even when I’m awake I hear him. I can’t escape him or what happened no matter how hard I try and in that moment. With the kunai in my hand I just...I just wanted him to shut up. I wanted him to stop.”

A lump rose in the girls throat, her mouth growing dry. Sasuke’s words seem to have triggered a feeling she’d thought was locked away for good. “And now I blame myself. I keep trying to make excuses. To justify _murder_ but I don’t-” He breathed in deeply, staring into his hands as if though he wanted to break them off of him. To get rid of the sin that stained them. “I don't know how. I want to feel guilty, but I don’t and thats whats scary. I feel _nothing_.” Sakura looked up at the tent’s ceiling, her mind's eye embracing her past trauma, leaving a hint of empathy within her.

 _~”Bastard child. Ruined everything for us.”~_ However, empathy wasn’t the only emotion that stained her.

“Well you should. You killed someone.” Sakura snapped. Even though his excuse was reasonable and somewhat justifiable, she still felt anger. Towards herself or towards him, Sakura had no idea, but she was just so, so angry _._

“I know.”

“How the hell are you going to open your mouth about killing your monster brother when you’re the one acting like a monster.” She huffed, tears brimming her eyes. 

“I know. I hate myself because of it.” Sakura stopped in her tracks, guilt weighing her.

“No. Wait I didn’t mean that. I’m just angry.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing. I need to think.” 

 _Think? What the hell are doing Sakura?_ She thought to herself, biting the ends of nail. An awkward silence filled the tent, so long, the vulnerable atmosphere that drowned them both no longer stained the tent and only the need to sleep was what was left. Sakura didn’t know what to say. The only best bet for the two of them to get past this was honesty. 

Sakura took a deep breath in, closing her eyes. 

“I blame myself too you know. For my mom.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Blood, crying, yelling, anger, resentment, guilt--this was not something the girl was ready to unlock.

“No, but I get it. I don’t hate you. I forgive you, but I won’t forget.”

“I know.”

“You gotta do better. Next time you start hearing voices tell us. No matter how hard shit gets you can’t just leave us, at the end of the day you gotta come home. To us. Promise me.” Aggressively, Sakura cleared her throat, trying to gain the orange haired boy who eavesdropped behind the tent’s flap, attention. “Promise us!” She obnoxiously yelled. Sakura lifted her fist for the boy to pound and without a second thought, Sasuke complied. “I promise.”

The two smiled, and then, the awkward silence trailed itself back into Sasuke’s tent. Even after the apology, she still felt somewhat aggravated. Angry that her father might be right about not making friends. How one day they're your family and the next your enemy. Sakura clenched her fist tight enough to for it to sting. She wasn't in the mood to think about him.

She still had questions. Did killing Zabuza really silent the monsters in his head? Or are they louder now? Sakura was too scared to ask. Not in fear of looking concerned, but in fear of him realizing the questions weren't for his sake, but for hers.

“However…”

“However?” 

“I’m going to need some time alone for a while. Understand that.” Sasuke demanded.

“Yeah. I know. It’s cool. I’m gonna' need some time too. To be petty or whatever.” 

“Understandable.” 

Sakura got up from where she sat, making her way towards the tent exit and not bothering to turn her head to see what kind of face the boy was making. “Okay Naruto! It’s your turn!” 

* * *

Sakura’s consciousness began to fall apart, her lids growing heavier each second until eventually, the cloud of sleep that hovered above her finally made its landing. 

_Blood gushed sluggishly from the deep wound in her mother’s stomach, staining the pretty flowers that once brought joy to the girl. The mother stared deeply into her eyes, back and forth it went, from an empty glare holding hands with death, to a look filled with emotion directed towards her daughter. Mebuki Haruno moved her lips, but not a single sound slipped through, only blood._

_Sakura pulled herself closer towards her, her heart galloping and drowning her in panic._

_“If only…” Mebuki grunted, her eyes squinting from the shot of pain. Tears welled up in Sakura’s eyes, a numbing agony resting in her chest._

_The grip Mebuki had around her daughters shoulder grew tighter, so tight, blood began to rush itself through her fingers. However Sakura was completely desensitized to the pain. She hated this, she wanted it to so badly to just stop._

_“I’m sorry.” She cried, this time, gently placing her hand on her mother’s arm. Sakura’s stomach lurched, her body lathered in sweat and growing frail._

_“If only I never bir-” She closed her eyes, pushing the kunai deep into the neck of the monster._


End file.
